Does my fame proceed me, or was I too quick for it?

I just realized that the date published on my blog is the date that I started writing it, not the date I finished it. How confusing for you all. Kind of like having a conversation with me, isn't it? Are you talking about Christian Bale again?

Ok, well let me clear this up for you cult followers- The last country breakfast that I mentioned took place on Tuesday the 29, 2009. (Wouldn't it be funny if that was not even the right date?) Tuesday was a day of baking. We decided to make Grandma's famous pear pie. Now for those of you that don't know, I used to make a pear pie a day back in the latter part of November 2007, in the times when I was a true Pifeño. In the mornings I would work on my mural masterpiece, and then in the afternoon I would bake a pear pie. Uncle Matt reminisces about these pear pie days quite often, so we decided we had better bake one. (Especially after that doughnut incident.) Now the question is- did we take one trip up to Pifo in the morning to get all of the ingredients or did we make 87 trips throughout the day to go get things as we needed them? I don't think I need to even answer that one. The pies turned out delicious, Grandma's recipe never fails. We then turned on to ceviche. Now, I have had all sorts of ceviche, but I hold to this day that the absolute best ceviche in the world comes from The Galapagos. I think the very presence of marine iguanas adds a little something special. Luckily, my dad was wearing his marine iguana shirt, and so our ceviche was also a model of success. The Pifeños eat their ceviche with popcorn, and so we made some, but of course we ate it before the ceviche was done. C'est la vie. (Speaking of which, Cath still remembers all the words to the Evil Rap. I haven't been this impressed since that parrot laughed at me in a human voice.) At some point in the day, we were out on the back porch and a pigeon was stuck in the BBQ. So, Uncle Matt lifted the lid to set it free and Argo tried to snatch it up in mid-air. I closed my eyes are ears, so I don't really know how that panned out, but I would like to believe their story that the pigeon flew away into the distance and was headed straight for Cuba. (Grandma- Uncle Matt wants you to think that Argo is as perfect as Luna, but I felt as if the truth had to be told.) She redeemed herself, however, when we tried to reenact Faye's Christmas, as she was very patient when we stuck a sweater on her and then placed her on Alex's shoulders. So, we ate merrily and finally watched the ever-anticipated Avatar. What an awesome movie. Oh how I would like to live in that beautiful magical land where the beings care more about eachother and their mother planet and love and happiness and peace than about material goods and money and their pinche own selfish bastard selves, so it is on my list of things to do in 2010- find Pandora.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009
My parents last day! :( We went up to Pifo, got some supplies, and then spent the day preparing our Año Viejo. An año viejo is a an effigy that you dress up to look like someone and then at midnight on New Years Eve, you set it on fire. The person you dress it up like is supposed to get good luck in 2009, which is why my Uncle Matt thinks he is still alive- he gets burned every year. So, this year was no exception, and we dressed up a dummy made of sawdust to look just like Uncle Matt- toothpick and all. Then, we started on the second part of the task. We wrote out a list of all the bad thigns about 2009 that we wanted to burn, never to come back again. Here are a few examples, in no particular order, of things I could really do without:
-The White Poodle
-Valley Fever
-global warming
-anxiety disorders
-the influx of jellyfish
-my inability to deal with life
-Mastercard
-autoimmune disorders
-unhappy eggs
-the Japanese alien living in my dad's wrist and the Hungarian one that I know is there somewhere
Once the año viejo was prepared, we snuggled up by the fire to watch a holiday movie, but then the rabbits escaped. We couldn't find the gray one, but had to assume that it was hiding from the rain somewhere. Sure enough, once the skies cleared a bit, there she was, eating the lilies. So, after that disaster was averted, we put on Journey to the Center of the Earth, did a bit more watercoloring, and ate some freshly baked cookies ala Cath (the ones we made!!).... Christian Bale was not in this one, which was weird. And I still don't fully understand how a sun could be present in the middle of the Earth, but whatever. We then looked at some old family photos and reminisced about the good old days of cow pie frisbies and scarf shows. Phoebe- I forgot how you used to have the cutest, most perfectly round head. That is an evolutionary advancement. But why did you put water in Alex's ear?

December 31, 2009 New Years Eve
My mom and dad left at about 430am to make the 20 hours journey home. It sure was a long plane ride. We said our "love you so muches and see ya laters" and then climbed back into bed. Cath of course did her lip smacking thing, and so I put my hand under her pillow. We woke up and were immediately invited to go on a walk with the Compadres on their gorgeous, never ending mountainous land. There were the 4 of them and then 2 French Canadian girls, who were visiting Sofia. The walk was up a beautiful trail, with imported bulls (Robin- the you know whats gave that sheep a run for its money) and there was a goregous view at the top and a magical waterfall to boot. Well, 2009 just had to throw in some last punches, didnt it? Just before we reached destination waterfall, I jumped over a crevasse and landed the completely wrong way on my stupid ankle. I heard a weird snap and crunch and obviously, my subconcious couldn't take it. My sight fizzled out and my hearing went away and I felt so dizzy that I couldn't breathe (thanks for your help high altitude) and I proceeded to pass out in front of the entire compadre family. And, I passed out on a blackberry bush. Awesome. I woke up on Cath's lap to a bunch of people that thought I was dead speaking to me in 3 different languages and there was a huge spider on my leg. I was so nauseous and dizzy and in ankle pain, that Cath and Uncle Matt had to take turns carrying me to the beaten path. Then Cath and Alex went to get the truck and I had to lay down under a tree for a while. Some thought I had eaten a hallucinatory berry on the trail, so I had to explain that this is just what happens when things such as bones and muscles and blood are brought to my attention. Uncle Matt and Esmil helped me down the the gate (I thought I would be the death of Uncle Matt.... at least my weight is at an all time low) where Cath adn Alex were waiting (Alex in drivers seat). Cath drove me home and took care of me and the rest of the family continued on to the Compadres picnic. The 2 of us watched the Emperors New Groove in anticipation of our upcoming Machu Picchu adventure. The way I see it, if that guy with no legs can scale Everest, then I can scale Machu Picchu with a sprained ankle.

The afternoon progressively got worse for various reasons, but eventually the family returned and we started preparing for the new year. Victor Hugo and his pal Christian (who was the very guy lusting after Cath at the market last Sunday and also just so happens to be Alex's cousin) came over we all just started drinking wine, as it is the closest thing we have to a magical liquid that makes everything just go away. We dressed Alex up like a girl in my black dress and some scarves, and he put on a painted mask that we had picked up in Pifo. Apparently the young boys dress up like women on NYE around here and then go out asking for money to feed their babies and wives. Alex was enjoying this more than any of you will ever know. After it got dark, we all went up to Pifo and walked (or hopped in my case) around looking at all the año viejos. A bunch of small boys had rigged ropes across the roads and they wouldn't let cars pass until they coughed up some change. I think Alex made like $1.91. Pretty good, I mean he could buy me a Magnum ice cream with that. He even won first place in the contest to see who had the best womanly figure/dance moves and his prize was some strange contraption that played reggaeton while two plastic people danced in front of a broken heart. Why would anyone want that? (P.S. There may or may not have been only one entrant in that contest.) People were lighting off firecrackers in the streets, and they always seemed to go off right when a baby walked by. I am not so sure what to make of that. We ended up back at the Compadres house (yes all the people I passed out in front of) and they were having a regular discoteq in their living room!! Strobe light and everything! I watched as the rest of them did their campo shuffle and eventually we went out into the street to ring in the new year. When midnight struck, we doused our año viejos with gasolina and bid them good riddance. We then continued to have way too much fun with fireworks, peach liquor, bon fires, champagne, and small Ecuadorian children and their puppies that kept running up to us and to ask for candy. Felz Año everyone. Hopefully 2010 will be a good one. (Knock on wood.)

There is a castle on a cloud.

I like to go there in my sleep.

I suppose that I had better update this if I want to one day include parts of this journey in my screenplay. It's just that I have had glass stuck in my foot for the past 3 days, so blogging has not been at the top of my priority list. People really need to stop dropping wine glasses.

So, let me see. After the family woke up in my last blog entry, we watched T4. Due to the fact that no one in my family has even the tiniest bit of communication skills, it took about 45 minutes for me to figure out who the hell Christian Bale was playing, and ever since then he seems to be turning up in every movie that crosses my path. I am being haunted by Christian Bale. I guess I could be haunted by worse. The electricity went out around 7pm, just before the end of the movie 2012, right when the guy's legs got stuck in the cog. So, we went outside to enjoy the luciernagos (fireflies, lightning bugs, whatever you want to call them), and the constellations, which you could see awesomely due to the non-light. Magical fairy land if you will.

Now let me explain to you why exactly the lights went out. You see, there is an ongoing drought in this part of the world, no thanks to El Niño, and Ecuador is being hit hard. The drought is affecting the hydroelectric plants, causing an energy crisis, which has led to power blackouts throughout the country. Now for those of you who are interested in the goings ons of the Northwest part of South America, allow me to elaborate on the current situation. You see, water and electricity rationing is currently the number one problem in both Ecuador and Venezuela. Luckily, Correa and Chavez are BFFs and are helping each other out during this troublesome time, which may be part of the reason that despite rising opposition due to the whole water-electricity thing, they both still have a swimmingly firm grip on power. There is no sign that we should yet start to worry too much, as the military is calm and there is no widespread public unrest, but everyone is closely following this whole drought issue because Ecuador has a tendency to oust their presidents during times of contention. (Note- the past 3 presidents.) On the plus side, the energy crisis could help patch things up with Colombia because they normally provide about 10 percent of Ecuador's electrcity (Correa cut ties with Colombia last year after Uribe bombed a rebel camp on our side of the border). Now, I like Correa, mostly because he wears that awesome traditional blouse that is totally my style, but let's just hope that Correa's "citizen's revolution" doesn't end up like Salvador Allende's did. (I am reading "Paula" by Isabel Allende right now, and so that is on my brain. I never made the connection before that she was Salvador's niece. Cool.)

In a nut shell- Correa is having to deal with the drought, which in turn, is causing power outages. I, in turn, must deal with the power outages, which is forcing me to play Monopoly by candelight.

And so I was the dog. Alex still has a love for Monopoly that outlasts any love I have ever seen. This time, however, he turned a bit Mafioso. He tried to coerce me into taking a "loan" of $2,000, and I would just have to return the favor at a later point in time. I ended up taking the bait after an hour of him trying to coernce me to do so, and then when the time came, I didn't pay up. You see, what he didn't realize is that I know people, people that will protect my knees in times such as these.

So, the next morning (December 23) we woke up to yet another country breakfast. Esmil had her Christmas program at school that morning, so Uncle Matt and Dad dropped off the rest of us in Puembo to watch the Christmas miracle. Esmil was a shepherd, and she even had a mustache. Very cute. The small children were quite adorable, as small Ecuadorian children usually are, and a good time was had by all. So after the show, my mom, Cath, Alexo, and I started walking home. The sun was hot, and the bus was nowhere to be seen. So, after about 20 minutes, Alex convinced my mom that we had better start to stick out our thumbs. The first truck that went by was filled with cement, and so they couldn't pick us up. The second truck was filled with logs. And the third truck was filled with nuns. Luckily, by some force of nature, the fourth truck ended up being Uncle Matt and Dad, so we hopped in and were saved from the long, dusty, hot walk. The rest of the day was spent having quality family-dog time, singing Total Eclipse of the Heart 8 times, drunk dialing the northern relatives, and me freezing Alex's underewar into a solid block of ice. He deserved it.

The next day was December 24, Christmas Eve. We started out the morning by taking Esmil to Puembo to turn in the last of her students papers. Just the women folk went, and so I had to drive the semi. I am not sure that the Pifeños have seen such a comical driving expedition since 2007 when I drove up to get hot dogs in my witch costume and orange hair on Halloween. This time, there were just 4 women all wearing extremely cute sun hats and glamorous sunglasses, yet also driving a semi. Not a sight regularly to be seen in Pifo. Just eradicating sexism one village at a time. The rest of the day consisted of eating and drinking and listening to music. We had a dance off, and obviously I won- you really cannot compete with my Shakira moves. We also tried to swing Alex by the feet like we used to when he was a baby, but unfortunately for him, he has grown quite bit, and we ended up dropping him on his head. We watched "Faye's Christmas" again, because it is the best movie ever made, and then Cath and I did our hair up all crazily and had a Mary Kate and Ashley photo shoot. We ended the night with another movie, and I stepped on a slug with my socks on, and that was gross.

I woke up quite early on Christmas morning, as I always do. I put a gold ribbon in my hair and then I immediately ran into Alex's room and jumped on the bed to wake him up. (I have to step in as the older annoying sister that he never had.) We then had a wonderful morning opening presents and singing carols and drinking mimosas (with freshly squeezed OJ I might add). There was even a Christmas miracle of 2 twin eggs in the chicken coop, so Cath could have happy eggs for Christmas breakfast. The day was a joyous one, we played basketball and ate too much food and drank too many drinks, and watched a few movies. Now, what I want to know is why the duck goes to sleep earlier than the chickens? There was a Christmas thunderstorm thta night and Cath and I had to fall asleep in the casita to really scary sounds.

On Saturday the 26th, we all went up to Otavalo. The younger generation crawled into the back of the truck, and weathered the freezing cold hour and a half drive up north. We had to hide from the police a few times, and it did start raining once, but we made it there alive. By the time we got there, though, it was absolutely pouring down rain. I was immediately drenched, and therefore immediately bought a whole new outfit. I decided to revamp my image. We went out to lunch and I was able to find a bathroom to change into my red pants, my purple llama socks, and my newly purchased chicken hat. We ate delicious pizza and then some chocolate fondue for dessert. We spent the afternoon shopping around South America's largest mercado and picking up all sorts of cool stuff, including some striped red overalls that I must say, put me right on cloud 9. We rushed back to the truck and managed to put a tarp up just in time- about 7 seconds before the next huge thunderstorm struck. Then my mom, Cath, Alex, and I sat in the back all the while breathing in diesel fumes and almost getting struck by lightning, which may or may not have been damaging to our health. We then stopped at the equator, took the tarp off, and soaked up some fresh air, which managed to stop the hallucinations. We also took a bunch of pictures on top of the world statue they have there. I ran around and scared people with my chicken hat, and did a sun dance on the equatorial line. It worked. We also got 24 roses for like $1. Gotta love Ecuadorian roses. We eventually got back home, and watched yet another new release movie. I love catching up on my movies down here.

Sunday morning we went to the market to get bunches of fruits, and then came back to yet another country breakast. After Alex woke up, we all got ready to go to the 700 steps, as my mom and dad weren't here yet when we went the first time. This time, it was sunny, probably thanks to my sun dance the previous day. Along the way we saw many baby pigs, goats, and mules. When we got up to the otehr side, there were many small children eating popsicles since it was a Sunday, and the tiny old man even stuck beer in the freezer for us. We ate many chochos (like a choclo and corn nut ceviche) and listened to the wonderful sound of the Andean flute. Finally, the King of the World, also known as Alex, decided that it was time for us to make the journey home. So, we climbed back down and then back up again and on our way, we passed the Hacienda Chuntag, which the padrinos own, and a young boy enticed us to come in. My mom had never been to Chuntag, so we decided to go in for a drink. Now, unfortunately for the rest of the family, they couldn't really make anything other than my ceviche, as the small boy seemed to be running the place all by himself. So, he went out, caught me a trout, and whipped up some homemade ceviche for the whole lot of us. (Yes, I was worried because it only cured for like 10 minutes.... but the little bugger said not to worry because he added a special ingredient- "amor.") We drank some beer in the hamamcks and strolled around the hacienda grounds, enjoying the trout ponds and the tunnels made of shrubbery. What a cool place. The small boy even gave us some flowers. What a Don. Catherine made some doughnuts when we got home, and then my mother made the hugest mistake of her life. She gave a small part of the last doughnut to Argo in front of Uncle Matt, and he burst into tears. Maple bars are his weak spot. Another movie for the night, and a bit of water coloring.

Yesterday morning we woke up and my mom, my sister, and I took the bus into Quito. Oh how I missed the 1.5 hour bus ride in with blaring reggaeton and mandarinas for sale. And, I still got it! We made it there no problem and got off at the chicken stop. We walked over to the hippie outdoor market by the Espiral, and picked up some jewelry and some homemade gelato, which just so happens to be Catherine's weakness. I love this place, it is so cool. I used to go there after work all the time to hang out. It also reminds me of a time when Phoeb came down here with me, and she tried to get a tattoo there, but due to my power of attorney, mission was not accomplished. I really need to get power of attorney over someone again, that was so fun. We tried to stop by Ecotrackers to say hello to Max and family, but no one was there, so I left a note. I will make sure to see them soon though, which will probably lead to a canoe ride down the Amazon again or something. Afterwards, we met up with the male folk (Dad, Uncle Matt, and Alex) at the Magoc Bean for old times sake, and had a delicious lunch. (They had been at the airport, trying to get the telescope that Mom and Dad brought here for Alex, but had somehow ended up in Mexico City). I ordered "Eclipse of the Gods," and it turned out to be something like a White Russian with a cherry. I just think one of the joys of life is ordering a drink that you have no idea what it is. Fascinating. Anyways, there were a couple of English boys at the next table, so Dad and Alex start talking futbol to them. I mentioned that my best friend and I had been over there just last summer, and they were like "Oh, what part of London?" To which I replied, "Oh, you know, around, the city." I love embarassing Catherine. And Alex. (Hence the striped overalls.) We all rode back together, and so the younger folk hopped back up into the back of the truck for the ride home. Cath and I sang every camp song known to man, along with all of the Bobs (Dylans and Marleys), the Cyndi Laupers, and the Cranberries. Also a few Les Miserables. Actually the list is too long to write. We are so eccentric. We enjoyed a bit of Baileys when we got home, and put together the telescope. We pondered watching Avatar, but then the power went out again, so we just had some fun doing weird things with candles for a while instead.

Now I hear the sizzling of bacon and the chatter of family in the kitchen. Time for another country breakfast. Cheerio!

It's fun to have fun, but you have to know how.

So, I last left you all on the afternoon of December the 19th. This is what happened next: From about the time of 4pm to approximately 7pm, I sat perfectly still while my sister and my uncle attempted to paint portraits of me. Everything is a race with these two, and they wanted to prove who had the best art 'skills.' Unfotrunately, I didn't realize that this project would take 3 hours before I agreed to it, and I ended up getting quite the crick in my neck (for some reason, me tilting my head was imperative to the contest). (It is also hard to drink beer in that position.) During this time, Ashley and Esmil went to some kind of political dinner in Pifo, which I am pretty sure turned into a dance party thanks to Ashley. There are few things cuter than tiny old Andean women drinking and dancing. Uncle Matt left to go scoop up my mom and dad in Quito, so Cath and I watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (one of my dad's favorite movies, third only to the Diehards and the LOTRs). Finally around midnight, the family was reunited. We laughed about memories past and drank beer until about 4am. I didn't know that my mom could stay up past 730pm. Impressive.

The next morning was Sunday- market day. We went up to the Pifo market and had some hornado for breakfast (I am a bad vegetarian in Ecuador) and bought all sorts of crazy fruits. We then started the day's festivities. Although Uncle Matt's birthday was yesterday, we thought that it would be more of a surprise and slightly more fun if we did it on Sunday instead, so we baked a Dr. Suess cake and decorated the house with balloons and whatnot. Catherine had a meltdown when her limbs went numb due to the combination of a spider bite, low oxygen content, and her anxiety problems (it runs in the family). Due to her incapacitation, Ashley and I had to make the frosting for the cake and it ended up looking like pink ink. We had a bbq and cooked up some cangrejos and made some delish papa salad. We also brought out the reggaeton, because let's face it, Pifo isn't Pifo without the thumping sounds of Gasolina. I also whipped out my wonderful Pitu kit given to me by the ever lovely Paulinha, and of course that was a hit! Caipirinhas in the Andes, what a wonderful day. After the breaking of the piñata, we then moved onward with everyone's favorite holiday tradition: 'Faye's Christmas.' "Dust dust dust dust dust dust dust." "1,2,3, limes. How much do limes cost? 3 dimes." "Grapes come from France." What a quoteable movie. And for those of you that aren't yet fortunate enough to have experienced 'Faye's Christmas,' it is a 20 minute long movie about the 12 days of Christmas acted out by weimereiners. Nuff said. We finished up the evening with a little of the aforementioned cake and due to the previous night's hurrahs, everyone went to bed at about 7pm. That is except, of course, for Ashley and I becasue hello- you can sleep when you're dead.

So, we cracked open a few more Pilseners and started to plot out our near future adventures. Not long after our plotting started up, however, we heard a rather loud domestic disturbance out in the alley behind the house. So, we did what any rational people would do and we brought our beers up to the the top of the roof to observe the goings ons in order to determine if we would have to step in and beat up the unreasonably loud and exceptionally short Ecuadorian man. (The dogs and the pigs of the neighborhood were not happy about the yelling in the street, and made this unhappiness quite clear. There is nothing worse than the sound of an angry pig. Ear-wrenching.) Luckily, I didn't have to go down and use my newly custom made Alex-spear to break up the fight because someone came along and brought the girl to safety. But, the young man did proceed to yell into the night for a good 45 more minutes. The pigs and the dogs remained unhappy. After a while it started to rain, so we decided to go back inside. However, that proved to be impossible because somebody had locked us out. We were not ready to sleep (it was only about 8:30 at this point), so we sat in the shop with Argo Argo and Luna and drank more Pilseners (thank the stars that they are kept outside) and had one of our good old fashioned heart to hearts. This heart to heart included us talking about blogging about having a heart to heart. Eventually, we went into the casita and I crawled into my top bunk with a bat and a tarantula next to my head while Ashley fell alseep down below next to Cath in the bat-free beds.

Yesterday we woke up and had another country breakfast. Even Cath the Vegan ate an egg, but only because it came from a "happy chicken." My mom is now feeding the chickens extra corn in order to keep them happy. We then took a family outing to Tumbaco to go to Supermaxi, because my dad's all time favorite extracurricular activity is grocery shopping. So, we hopped into the back of the truck and rode into town. Riding in the back of the truck is almost as fun as riding moto-taxis. We stocked up on goodies including diet coke and nachos (things we have been craving for a month) and made our way back home. Yesterday was Uncle Matt's real birthday, so we spent most of the day hanging around the backyard drinking and eating and having some quality family dog time. Ashley held her own quite nicely with our crazily neurotic and psychotic, yet pleasantly charming and witty family (as I knew she would). She really is a "lifer."

Today, Ash went off to Otavalo to meet up with another friend that also just so happens to be in the equatorial region of the Andes. We decided that she needs to explore this beautiful country that is new to her and that I need to hang out with my wonderful family that I never get to see, but it was quite sad to part ways as we haven't been apart in over a month. We will meet up again soon enough to trek through Peru though, so at least we have that to hold on to. In the latter part of the morning, the whole fam took a drive up to the pass and in order to experience some gorgeous views of the ancient Incan Trail, some wild goats, a few llamas, some sheep, a field of horses, a couple strangely colored cows, and about 7 rabbits. Many birds were also present. It was a crazy-fun ride in the back of the semi, and the scenery was simply breathtaking. Plus, we all looked quite cute with our makeshift hats. We just made a couple of pizzas and now everyone is taking a nap. You tend to get tired out when you breathe only half as much oxygen as you are used to.

Pifo, Pifo, it's a hell of a town.

We had one last Brasilian lunch with Chico and Paula and it was a great one. We ate waaay too much bbqed cheese and of course we had our last glasses of delicious caipirinhas and caipivoshkas. We then made our way to the airport and sadly said our goodbyes. We will be back, however, for their wedding, Carnival, and the World Cup 2014. Beijos primos!!!! Oxe I love you guys!!

We made it right onto the plane without a moment to spare, and a few episodes of Brasilian soap operas later, we landed in Rio. We then made our way to the gate and set up camp. We took a quick photo shoot, and then settled into our sleeping bags on the dusty, tiled floor. I woke up at about 4am to the airport workers opening up the Taca lines, and figured that we had better put our beds away and get checked in and be on our merry way. While standing in line, Ashley bought me some hot balls of something, and they were quite delicious. The plane ride from Rio to Lima was rather nice, as it was light outside, so we could see out the window and the liquor was free. Mind you, it was a morning flight, but I am sure it was 5 oclock somewhere. We passed over Lake Titicaca, which was a pretty cool aerial site, and landed in Lima at about 930am. We spent the next 12 hours window shopping and drrinking Cusqueña in the restaurant bar. About 9 beers later, we were ready to board. When I woke up, we were in Quito. What a quick flight. Uncle Matt and Cath picked us up at the airport, and we made our way home.

Boy is it good to be back in Pifo!!!! In the words of my evil little brother, "it is a hell of a town." (The stadium's up and parking lot's down.) Day one was mostly spent catching up with our South American family while having a little good old fashioned family dog time in the back yard with Pilseners, bunnies (I will most certainly win these bunnies in a game of monopoly), and chickens. I really like the new addition to the family- Argo Argo, mostly because she is named after me, but she is also an exceptionally cute dog. She is the spitting image of her mother, Luna aka Dobby. Of course my little Dobby is as cute as ever, and she is no longer possessed by the very old grandmother, so she has stopped squinting so much. We made some maple bars and Uncle Matt cried tears of joy. They turned out quite delicious. We also went into Pifo and got New Moon for 1.50 in the square, and yes I am officially Team Jacob after this movie. Ashley screamed like a banshee because found a tarantula in the bathroom of the casita and had to have Uncle Matt squish it.....

Yesterday we woke up bright and early and made a huge country breakfast. Or, as Alex would say, blekflest. We went into town and got 2 liters of cane liquor for $2, and then bought 867 different kinds of exotic fruit including babacas, maracuyas, and grenadinas, and then proceeded to show Uncle Matt how to make caipivoshkas. Pifeños will one day be grateful for this knowledge. Then Al got home from school, and we went to the 700 steps. Unfortunately, due to the fact that Uncle Matt had squished the spider the previous evening, it started raining..... We went despite the weather, and saw many baby pigs, goats, sheeps, and cows, and horses along the way. Many puddles and steps later, we reached our destination on the other side of the valley, where there is a little hut with llamas and horses and beer. We laughed because Alex doesnt know how to do a jumping jack and Uncle Matt doesn't know how to kick. Ashley jumped on a horse and went missing for a while, and then we all somehow made our way back home. I got stuck on a branch and somehow my camera case came unraveled and the pin that was holding it together stuck itself into my jugular vein. Needless to say, that reallly hurt! We hitched part of the way back home because we were tired and cold and I had to pee really bad. After we dried off, Ash, Esmil, and I went up to the Friday night market and got some aguacates to make some delicious nachos, and just as we were walking home, the power went out. So, we spent the rest of the night by candlelight talking and eating and making plans for a great race. Cath, Uncle Matt, Alex, and I will run a foot race and there is much at stake. Including a written statement of admittance that int he race of 1992, Uncle Matt cheated with a head start.

This morning we all woke up and got ready for Alex's Christmas play. We went into Tumbaco, to Alex's old school, and they sang many songs, and Al played the flute. I embarassed him by taknig many pictures and wearing tennis shoes with my dress. It was great. Then, we walked around Tumbaco for a while looking for some Christmas ornaments, and eventually made our way to the mall and found some only after sitting on Santa's lap. On the way back home, Ash and I rode in the back of the truck and we saw a woman on the side of the road that had been hit by a car. It was terrifying. Cath and I just went up to Pifo and did a little shopping and got some sour mangoes, which were delicious. The ATM is finally working. It was funny because it kept running out of money right before I would get to it. 78th time is a charm. We also just bought Planet 51, which I cannot wait to see. I love cartoons, and this one looks like a winner. I also love aliens. My mom and dad get in tonight, I can't wait!!!! Tomorrow will be so fun as it is market day and BBQ Sunday! Pifo is being taken over by gringos, I hope they have stalked enough beer.

On another note, the white poodle is still alive. The stupid roof dog still sounds the alarm. And I still have panic attacks when leaving the house. I hate the white poodle. It is my arch nemesis. I am most certain that my my harpoon gun destiny will one day be fulfilled on this very hill in The of Battle of Margo vs. White Poodle. Pinche poodle.

Beijos Brasil

Just a few things I want to say about Brasil before I go through customs:

1. The tp is made out of wax paper, so it doesn't really work. I don't fully understand this, but fully trying to understand the mysteries of the world is what leads to over-excessive cachaça use, so I am going to let this one go.
2. If you have something wrong with your ear, you must take breast milk from a mother of recently born twins, heat it up, and dribble just the tiniest amount into the problematic ear. Write that down.
3. Sometimes the ketchup (I hate when people say catsup) is actually raspberry jam, so do not be alarmed if you feel as if your $10 reais batatas fritas taste a bit breakfasty.
4. Brasilians take approximately about 8 showers a day. They are the cleanest people in the world. They will make any average American feel like a dirty slob (that may be intentional or unintentional, depends on the scenario).
5. The crazy fruits have crazy names and I may or may not name my first born child after one of the following- Acerola, Caju, Mangaba, or Abacaxi.

I will miss you Brasil. We had a good run. But I will be back in the near future- Carnaval, Paula and Chico's wedding, World Cup 2014 to name a few upcoming events.... like I always say- you can't get rid of me that easily. Wait, do I always say that? Ok, beijos.

Day 27: We went to jail.

So, yesterday leisurely started out with your run of the mill Ash & Marg type of morning. A bit of facebook picture uploading with a dash of cachaça pining all mixed in with a hint of giggling about how funny we think we are. I attempted to use the washing machine so that we would have at least one pair of clean underwear for our 2 day plane journey to Ecuador, and let me tell you- easier said than done. First of all, the plug that it was plugged into didn't work, or at least I couldn't get it to, and I didn't really figure out that this was my problem for approximately 20 minutes. I moved the washing machine so that the plug would reach a different outlet.... Not sure if that was really necessary.... Second of all, I dont really read Portuguese all that well, and this washing machine was not like ours at home, so I am quite sure I was doing everything in the wrong order at the wrong time. Finally, I couldn't figure out why it just stopped and the water wasn't draining, so I started to take the clothes out and wring them by hand. Paula's sister Bella woke up and was like, "You don't have to do that, the cycle isn't done yet...." ummm.... ok, so no one ever said I had any patience. Luckily, Bella came in at just the right time and she helped me, and thanks to her I have fresh pair of clean underwear, and for that I will be eternally greatful. Clean underwear is definately a quality of life issue, and we all know that I am a firm supporter of quality of life issues.

Not long after the washing machine debauchle, Chico came home and scooped us up for lunch. He took us to this awesome buffet place, where I ate one of everything. (Don't worry Mom, the vodkarexia is also going away.... although Stick Stickly will be missed greatly....) The fried macaxeira was to die for. They also had sushi with strawberries in it. Apparently putting fruit in sushi rolls is a Brasilian adaptation, and like it. I also had so much delicious fresh weird fruit- add the happiness of Clarke when she get's a fresh can of meal worms to the happiness of a whale when she gets a giant mouth full of plankton and that is how happy I was. (For those of you that are a bit math-challenged, that equals a lot.) Chico kept ordering us weird fruit juices as well and they were also quite delicious, only adding to my euphoria. We went back for round two... three..... and I am pretty sure Ashley went back for round four to get us all some batatas fritas..... which she then proceeded to dip into the mangaba juice claiming that it was like dipping fries into Brasilian McDonald's ice-cream. Don't try to understand. Anyways, lunch was great!

Paula met us at the restaurant and they made the switch. Chico had to go back to work
:( because he may or may not be a workaholic. Or maybe it is just that most people work during that day and don't just travel around using one credit card after another. What a concept. I will have to ponder that one. Just kidding Dad. Anywho, Paula took us to the Casa do Cultura, which was sooooo freaking cool!! It was an old ancient jail that has been renovated into an indoor market. Each cell is now a small shop. She took us to the best one- wait for it....... you guessed it!! A shop that sells all kinds of cachaça, and we got to try some crazy flavors like banana (sooooo gooood) and cafe (Ashley wants to drink nothing but that forever). So, we did a little window shopping here and there and took some crazy pictures and had a great time.

Then, we went to see this giant Christmas tree, which reminded me- hey, it is almost Christmas! I honestly haven't known what day or time it is since about September, so the Christmas tree brought me back to reality. Time flies when you are having fun in Brasil! After the tree, we went to Marco Zero. (This is the point in the city at which all things radiate from. All mile markers in the state start right there. And I stepped on it. I love stepping on special points.) We talked to a little amiguinho with a boat, and he took us across the water to a long spit of some kind that is actually a monument celebrating 500 years of something. There were all sorts of crazy statues and sculptures that were apparently done by a crazy old man, and it was awesome. From there, the three of us watched the sun set, and then with the flash of a smile, Paula got someone to turn the colorful lights on and all of the statues were lit up just as dusk was settling in. It was beautiful. We could also see all of the Christmas lights and decorations that were in the city from here. The Brasilian Eiffel Tower is just near the Brasilian Twin Towers and they were sooo sparkly, it was amazing. Then, we climbed back into our little boat and our captain took us for a detour to a nearby cruise ship. There we were- this tiny, tiny row boat, next to one of the hugest ships that I have ever seen. I felt rather like a small flea next to a large dragon. It was all lit up too, and it was really, really cool!! I am pretty sure I also saw a shark do a back flip out of the water right in front of the Italian flag that was flying from the mother ship. We had so much fun, it was such a cool experience.

Then, we headed back to Francisco's house for some delicious soup that he cooked up. It was a bit like squash I think, but there is no way of truly knowing that for sure. Then, Francisco had this bright idea- 'Let's all go see the scariest movie ever!!' So we headed on over to the latest showing of 'Paranormal Activity.' I have bruises on my arm from Ashley squeezing it, and I have cuts on my hands from my own fingernails digging into my skin. That is how scary it was. Then, things just got weird.

1. I stepped in wet yellow paint in the parking garage, and then I left no foot prints.
2. Ashley gave a thumbs down to Nautico's rival futbol team fans on the way out, and they put a curse on us.
3. We got home, and the wind started howling like it has never howled before.
4. It also started raining. I haven't seen rain since I left AK.
5. Doors started slamming.
6. Bells started ringing.
7. A bat flew by.
8. We tried to put all of our awesome pictures from the day on the computer and somehow from the camera to the computer they got lost in space. (ÔXXXE!!!!!!!! Let me just take a quick minute here for some deep breathing exercises so I don' freak out and throw something. I want to scream.)
9. THEN THE SHOWER TURNED ON FOR NO REASON. (Seriously, at this point, I was freaking out. I tried to turn it off and it was still pouring water. Paula and Chico were sleeping, and Ashley was facebooking. I ran through the house from the bedroom to the computer room with no pants on. That is how scared I was. Luckily, Ashley was the only one awake, and she is quite used to seeing me with no pants on. And luckily, due to the aforementioned morning's events, I had on clean underwear. I didn't want to go back into the bedroom, so I waited in the computer room with Ashley for like an hour.)
10. I finally went to bed and noises and shadows were everywhere. (I laid there with my eyes wide open until Ashley came in and scared the hell out of me with the opening of a door.)

Thank goodness the ever-thoughtful Chico put a lava lamp in our room last night so we could have a night light. I had one terrifying nightmare about ghosts trying to get me, but luckily Ashley was sleeping right there next to me, and so she held my hand. You see, the problem with having a sixth sense is that ghosts try to reach out to you, and when something happens like you see a scary movie and you start to think about them a lot, that is when they go in for the kill and try to make contact. Not that they are are evil, but let's face it, my fragile state of mind may just finally crack if I start seeing ghosts. I am not sure there is enough cachaça in the world to deal with that right now. Oh, Dad, you must be so proud. And yes, aliens are walking among us too.

Anyways, I just packed up my stupid pack and now I am pretty sure it is about 90% Christmas presents from Chico to North Americans and 10% Marg's crap. hahahaha, but seriously, I am really proud of the packing job I just did. I think I could now give my own mother a run for her money in the packing department. Oh, who am I kidding, I would never win that contest, but I will continue to brag about this packing job for years to come. Paula and Francisco will
scoop us up for a farewell lunch and then we will be on our way to the other side of South America. We have 12 hours in Rio and another 12 in Lima. The Rio stint is at night, so we will probably just sleep in the airport, but we will be in Lima from 9am-9pm, so I think we will go explore the city. Maybe pay Juanito a visit. We will arrive tomorrow at about midnight in Quito, and yes Uncle Matt- I promise to check to see if my bags made it, I will not just assume they didn't....

So here I sit, very sad that I must leave my Brasilian primos, yet also very excited to see my Ecuadorian/immediate family. Beijos Brasil and hola Ecuador!!

Day 26: Tio Fernando says, "Can you please hold my whiskey while I drive?"

And....... the Pitu party ensued. And it was awesome. A bunch of people came over to Paulinha's house and we made good use of that caipirinha machine. Now, let me try to explain what exactly this contraption was. Paulinha works for Pitu, a cachaça company. Pitu has expanded their company and now also produces things over in Germany. So, those Germans invented this machine, and then it was brought back over to Brasil. It is very large and heavy and comes in two parts: lime and sugar part, then cachaça and squish part. First, you stick your glass under the lime lever and pull. A lime is cute into 4 pieces and falls into your glass. Then, you stick it under the sugar lever and pull. A cup of sugar falls over the limes. Next, you stick it under the cachaça lever and pull. Then you stick it under the cachaça lever and pull again. Now you have a nice amount of liquid in your cup times two. Lastly, you stick it under the squish lever and pull a few times. A big smasher thing comes down and mushes everything together. Now you have your caipirinha and you drink it. Then repeat. We all had a great time with this thing, and kept track of how many we all had on the fridge (Brasilians have a different tally system, and so the tallies were kind of a mixture of USA and Brasil, so I am not sure that it ended up making any sense, and I am pretty sure Francisco just flat out cheated towards the end.... haha)....

Anyways, after a while of having too much fun at the Pitu pre-party, we left the house to have even more fun. Iaci dropped us off at the front gates of Requebra Brasil and we entered into a mass of about 50,000 people. Every single one of them was wearing either orange or green, depending on if they had "middle or lower class tickets." We had white t-shirts. We made our way to the VIP section (right in front of the stage) and went directly to our open-bar with no line and unlimited beverage supply. Let's just say there was never a moment in which I did not have two Skols in my hands. Now this VIP section was crazy. Not only was there prime location in front of the stage (you could touch it), a stage for viewers that I can only compare to box seats, aditional private concerts in nearby buildings, bathrooms with no lines, food, and open bars for miles, but there was a craft station. Seriously, there was a craft station for people to bring their t-shirts to bedazzle and cut into all sorts of shapes and sizes. I bedazzled a star onto my forehead.

So there we were, in the middle of complete Brasilian craziness, with beers on our heads and more beers in our hands, and Chiclete Com Bananas came on. Now, this band is the most loved band in all of Brasil. There is one guy that comes to every concert with an actual banana tree on his head. They were soooo awesome!! So damn good!! I will marry the badass drummer while Ashley and Francisco fight over the lead singer. We made our way to the front and got so close to the stage that we were actually touching it and guards were forcing people left and right to stop climbing up on the stage. So, there we were- about one foot from Chiclete, and there we stayed until about 3am. It was so cool. Somehow we made it home, I believe it was a taxi, and I believe I slept through that part. When we got back, we tried to drunk dial you Ellen, but we were too drunk to figure out how to charge Chico's phone let alone dial the buttons. So, we tried again the next morning, but apparently we were still too drunk to figure out how to do any dialing. Damnit. How embarassing. After our failed morning phone session, I took a shower and about 8 gallons of dirt poured off of me. Maybe I should have taken one the previous night, before I crawled into bed, but too late now. That concert was dusty!

Anyways, yesterday was awesome too. Paulinha had to work really early, so she couldn't come with us :( but Francisco took us to "Sunday at Grandma's house." His Vovô e Vovó are so cute! We got a tour of the huge hacienda that the Grandpa built himself, and it was beautiful. Fruit trees of every kind and even a pool. We tried every different kind of wonderful delicious food that they kept bringing us and Francisco's dad and uncle's kept giving us new kinds of cachaça to try. They take them here with cashew (like tequila and lime). Now, how many of you know that cashew nuts grow on the bottom of a fruit that turns yellow and you cook it and put salt on it and eat it with cachaça? I sure didn't, but you learn something new every day. It is actually quite good, of course a bit nutty, and also a bit chalky, but I like the mild nut flavor combine with the juiciness. You can make pies and things with them too. Interesting.

Anyways, we all headed on over to the Uncle's house next door, and there about 10 of us relatives sat around a table in the courtyard eating more and more delicious food and more and more delicious cachaça. (Some had been soaked in cashew.... now that was some good cachaça!!!!!) There was a parrot in the background singing along to the Brasilian music. After a while of chatting with the family, Tio Fernando mentions that he has a new horse, and invited us to see it. So, of course we say yes and we want to ride it. So, we all climb into his ridiculously nice truck and he asks me to hold his glass of whiskey while he drives. It was only 5 minutes away. We got there, and this place was so beautiful. Flowering trees of all colors and beautiful sleek horses. There was even an albino one with the palest blue eyes you have ever seen. It was so pretty. There, we met Hugo. A 9 year old Brasilian kid. The absolute cutest kid I have ever seen in my entire life. Now, I do not want to have a kid for at least another 25 years, but when I do, I hope it looks just like Hugo. This little bugger took us around the pasture for a ride and it was so fun. You can't help but smile when you are on a horse. In Brasil. Surrounded by flowers. With birds singing. And the world's cutest kid smiling at you. Breathtaking really. But, it had to end sometime, so we went back to the family gathering and joined in for some more quality time.

I love this family. They were all so kind and loving and made us feel like we were at home. They also may have convinced us to come back for Carnival. Does anyone have an in with American Express, because I think Mastercard and Visa have had enough of me. Just kidding Dad. So, we had a wonderful time with the family; it was so lovely. I love them. We left just after dark to go meet Paula and I saw some more mocegos (bats). They are so cute and tiny here (one of them visits Paula in her house every day). As we were driving home, we got stuck behind this truck with huuuuuuuuge speakers in the back and it was blaring music out of them. I felt like we were right back at Chiclete Com Banana!! It was hilarious to watch the people on the street dance as we slowly drive by.

So, we got back to scoop up Paula and we all went to the mall. Now, you might be thinking, "why would you go to the mall while in Brasil?? you have malls at home and the clothes and shoes are more expensive in Brasil, not cheaper...." Well, most of us have malls at home. Let us not forget that Ashley lives in Juneau, where the thing that they call a mall is actually a large building with a craft store, a hiking boot store, and a really delicious Mexican food joint. So, we went to the mall in search of the perfect watch for Ashley. She has been wanting one ever since she saw our dear friend Celine's Brasilian watch 2 years ago. This is when she realized that she is obsessed with green, and proceeded to buy a green watch and a pair of green sunglasses. She also may or may not have accidentally stolen some green swag. She will now have to sling bracelets on the beach to get home. We ate some delicious food and the best dessert ever. Delta Experience. So good. Then, the mall closed and we came home for some shut eye.

I don't know what is in store for today, but I am sure it will be something awesome. I love it here and I love Paula and Chico.

Now, for those of you who have expressed concern about my health, I want to show you a little something called the food pyramid:
6-11 servings of grains: beer
2-4 servings of fruit: wine, limes in caipirinhas, and exotic fruity caipivoshkas
3-5 servings of veggies: vodka is made of potatoes
2-3 servings of proteins: the little ants that crawl into my kool-aid-vodkas
2-3 servings of dairy: capetas have cream in them
use sparingly-fats and sweets: caipirinhas have sugar in them, but let's face it, this category isn't healthy, so let's not worry about it.
NO PROBLEM!!