Does my fame proceed me, or was I too quick for it?

I just realized that the date published on my blog is the date that I started writing it, not the date I finished it. How confusing for you all. Kind of like having a conversation with me, isn't it? Are you talking about Christian Bale again?

Ok, well let me clear this up for you cult followers- The last country breakfast that I mentioned took place on Tuesday the 29, 2009. (Wouldn't it be funny if that was not even the right date?) Tuesday was a day of baking. We decided to make Grandma's famous pear pie. Now for those of you that don't know, I used to make a pear pie a day back in the latter part of November 2007, in the times when I was a true Pifeño. In the mornings I would work on my mural masterpiece, and then in the afternoon I would bake a pear pie. Uncle Matt reminisces about these pear pie days quite often, so we decided we had better bake one. (Especially after that doughnut incident.) Now the question is- did we take one trip up to Pifo in the morning to get all of the ingredients or did we make 87 trips throughout the day to go get things as we needed them? I don't think I need to even answer that one. The pies turned out delicious, Grandma's recipe never fails. We then turned on to ceviche. Now, I have had all sorts of ceviche, but I hold to this day that the absolute best ceviche in the world comes from The Galapagos. I think the very presence of marine iguanas adds a little something special. Luckily, my dad was wearing his marine iguana shirt, and so our ceviche was also a model of success. The Pifeños eat their ceviche with popcorn, and so we made some, but of course we ate it before the ceviche was done. C'est la vie. (Speaking of which, Cath still remembers all the words to the Evil Rap. I haven't been this impressed since that parrot laughed at me in a human voice.) At some point in the day, we were out on the back porch and a pigeon was stuck in the BBQ. So, Uncle Matt lifted the lid to set it free and Argo tried to snatch it up in mid-air. I closed my eyes are ears, so I don't really know how that panned out, but I would like to believe their story that the pigeon flew away into the distance and was headed straight for Cuba. (Grandma- Uncle Matt wants you to think that Argo is as perfect as Luna, but I felt as if the truth had to be told.) She redeemed herself, however, when we tried to reenact Faye's Christmas, as she was very patient when we stuck a sweater on her and then placed her on Alex's shoulders. So, we ate merrily and finally watched the ever-anticipated Avatar. What an awesome movie. Oh how I would like to live in that beautiful magical land where the beings care more about eachother and their mother planet and love and happiness and peace than about material goods and money and their pinche own selfish bastard selves, so it is on my list of things to do in 2010- find Pandora.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009
My parents last day! :( We went up to Pifo, got some supplies, and then spent the day preparing our Año Viejo. An año viejo is a an effigy that you dress up to look like someone and then at midnight on New Years Eve, you set it on fire. The person you dress it up like is supposed to get good luck in 2009, which is why my Uncle Matt thinks he is still alive- he gets burned every year. So, this year was no exception, and we dressed up a dummy made of sawdust to look just like Uncle Matt- toothpick and all. Then, we started on the second part of the task. We wrote out a list of all the bad thigns about 2009 that we wanted to burn, never to come back again. Here are a few examples, in no particular order, of things I could really do without:
-The White Poodle
-Valley Fever
-global warming
-anxiety disorders
-the influx of jellyfish
-my inability to deal with life
-Mastercard
-autoimmune disorders
-unhappy eggs
-the Japanese alien living in my dad's wrist and the Hungarian one that I know is there somewhere
Once the año viejo was prepared, we snuggled up by the fire to watch a holiday movie, but then the rabbits escaped. We couldn't find the gray one, but had to assume that it was hiding from the rain somewhere. Sure enough, once the skies cleared a bit, there she was, eating the lilies. So, after that disaster was averted, we put on Journey to the Center of the Earth, did a bit more watercoloring, and ate some freshly baked cookies ala Cath (the ones we made!!).... Christian Bale was not in this one, which was weird. And I still don't fully understand how a sun could be present in the middle of the Earth, but whatever. We then looked at some old family photos and reminisced about the good old days of cow pie frisbies and scarf shows. Phoebe- I forgot how you used to have the cutest, most perfectly round head. That is an evolutionary advancement. But why did you put water in Alex's ear?

December 31, 2009 New Years Eve
My mom and dad left at about 430am to make the 20 hours journey home. It sure was a long plane ride. We said our "love you so muches and see ya laters" and then climbed back into bed. Cath of course did her lip smacking thing, and so I put my hand under her pillow. We woke up and were immediately invited to go on a walk with the Compadres on their gorgeous, never ending mountainous land. There were the 4 of them and then 2 French Canadian girls, who were visiting Sofia. The walk was up a beautiful trail, with imported bulls (Robin- the you know whats gave that sheep a run for its money) and there was a goregous view at the top and a magical waterfall to boot. Well, 2009 just had to throw in some last punches, didnt it? Just before we reached destination waterfall, I jumped over a crevasse and landed the completely wrong way on my stupid ankle. I heard a weird snap and crunch and obviously, my subconcious couldn't take it. My sight fizzled out and my hearing went away and I felt so dizzy that I couldn't breathe (thanks for your help high altitude) and I proceeded to pass out in front of the entire compadre family. And, I passed out on a blackberry bush. Awesome. I woke up on Cath's lap to a bunch of people that thought I was dead speaking to me in 3 different languages and there was a huge spider on my leg. I was so nauseous and dizzy and in ankle pain, that Cath and Uncle Matt had to take turns carrying me to the beaten path. Then Cath and Alex went to get the truck and I had to lay down under a tree for a while. Some thought I had eaten a hallucinatory berry on the trail, so I had to explain that this is just what happens when things such as bones and muscles and blood are brought to my attention. Uncle Matt and Esmil helped me down the the gate (I thought I would be the death of Uncle Matt.... at least my weight is at an all time low) where Cath adn Alex were waiting (Alex in drivers seat). Cath drove me home and took care of me and the rest of the family continued on to the Compadres picnic. The 2 of us watched the Emperors New Groove in anticipation of our upcoming Machu Picchu adventure. The way I see it, if that guy with no legs can scale Everest, then I can scale Machu Picchu with a sprained ankle.

The afternoon progressively got worse for various reasons, but eventually the family returned and we started preparing for the new year. Victor Hugo and his pal Christian (who was the very guy lusting after Cath at the market last Sunday and also just so happens to be Alex's cousin) came over we all just started drinking wine, as it is the closest thing we have to a magical liquid that makes everything just go away. We dressed Alex up like a girl in my black dress and some scarves, and he put on a painted mask that we had picked up in Pifo. Apparently the young boys dress up like women on NYE around here and then go out asking for money to feed their babies and wives. Alex was enjoying this more than any of you will ever know. After it got dark, we all went up to Pifo and walked (or hopped in my case) around looking at all the año viejos. A bunch of small boys had rigged ropes across the roads and they wouldn't let cars pass until they coughed up some change. I think Alex made like $1.91. Pretty good, I mean he could buy me a Magnum ice cream with that. He even won first place in the contest to see who had the best womanly figure/dance moves and his prize was some strange contraption that played reggaeton while two plastic people danced in front of a broken heart. Why would anyone want that? (P.S. There may or may not have been only one entrant in that contest.) People were lighting off firecrackers in the streets, and they always seemed to go off right when a baby walked by. I am not so sure what to make of that. We ended up back at the Compadres house (yes all the people I passed out in front of) and they were having a regular discoteq in their living room!! Strobe light and everything! I watched as the rest of them did their campo shuffle and eventually we went out into the street to ring in the new year. When midnight struck, we doused our año viejos with gasolina and bid them good riddance. We then continued to have way too much fun with fireworks, peach liquor, bon fires, champagne, and small Ecuadorian children and their puppies that kept running up to us and to ask for candy. Felz Año everyone. Hopefully 2010 will be a good one. (Knock on wood.)

There is a castle on a cloud.

I like to go there in my sleep.

I suppose that I had better update this if I want to one day include parts of this journey in my screenplay. It's just that I have had glass stuck in my foot for the past 3 days, so blogging has not been at the top of my priority list. People really need to stop dropping wine glasses.

So, let me see. After the family woke up in my last blog entry, we watched T4. Due to the fact that no one in my family has even the tiniest bit of communication skills, it took about 45 minutes for me to figure out who the hell Christian Bale was playing, and ever since then he seems to be turning up in every movie that crosses my path. I am being haunted by Christian Bale. I guess I could be haunted by worse. The electricity went out around 7pm, just before the end of the movie 2012, right when the guy's legs got stuck in the cog. So, we went outside to enjoy the luciernagos (fireflies, lightning bugs, whatever you want to call them), and the constellations, which you could see awesomely due to the non-light. Magical fairy land if you will.

Now let me explain to you why exactly the lights went out. You see, there is an ongoing drought in this part of the world, no thanks to El Niño, and Ecuador is being hit hard. The drought is affecting the hydroelectric plants, causing an energy crisis, which has led to power blackouts throughout the country. Now for those of you who are interested in the goings ons of the Northwest part of South America, allow me to elaborate on the current situation. You see, water and electricity rationing is currently the number one problem in both Ecuador and Venezuela. Luckily, Correa and Chavez are BFFs and are helping each other out during this troublesome time, which may be part of the reason that despite rising opposition due to the whole water-electricity thing, they both still have a swimmingly firm grip on power. There is no sign that we should yet start to worry too much, as the military is calm and there is no widespread public unrest, but everyone is closely following this whole drought issue because Ecuador has a tendency to oust their presidents during times of contention. (Note- the past 3 presidents.) On the plus side, the energy crisis could help patch things up with Colombia because they normally provide about 10 percent of Ecuador's electrcity (Correa cut ties with Colombia last year after Uribe bombed a rebel camp on our side of the border). Now, I like Correa, mostly because he wears that awesome traditional blouse that is totally my style, but let's just hope that Correa's "citizen's revolution" doesn't end up like Salvador Allende's did. (I am reading "Paula" by Isabel Allende right now, and so that is on my brain. I never made the connection before that she was Salvador's niece. Cool.)

In a nut shell- Correa is having to deal with the drought, which in turn, is causing power outages. I, in turn, must deal with the power outages, which is forcing me to play Monopoly by candelight.

And so I was the dog. Alex still has a love for Monopoly that outlasts any love I have ever seen. This time, however, he turned a bit Mafioso. He tried to coerce me into taking a "loan" of $2,000, and I would just have to return the favor at a later point in time. I ended up taking the bait after an hour of him trying to coernce me to do so, and then when the time came, I didn't pay up. You see, what he didn't realize is that I know people, people that will protect my knees in times such as these.

So, the next morning (December 23) we woke up to yet another country breakfast. Esmil had her Christmas program at school that morning, so Uncle Matt and Dad dropped off the rest of us in Puembo to watch the Christmas miracle. Esmil was a shepherd, and she even had a mustache. Very cute. The small children were quite adorable, as small Ecuadorian children usually are, and a good time was had by all. So after the show, my mom, Cath, Alexo, and I started walking home. The sun was hot, and the bus was nowhere to be seen. So, after about 20 minutes, Alex convinced my mom that we had better start to stick out our thumbs. The first truck that went by was filled with cement, and so they couldn't pick us up. The second truck was filled with logs. And the third truck was filled with nuns. Luckily, by some force of nature, the fourth truck ended up being Uncle Matt and Dad, so we hopped in and were saved from the long, dusty, hot walk. The rest of the day was spent having quality family-dog time, singing Total Eclipse of the Heart 8 times, drunk dialing the northern relatives, and me freezing Alex's underewar into a solid block of ice. He deserved it.

The next day was December 24, Christmas Eve. We started out the morning by taking Esmil to Puembo to turn in the last of her students papers. Just the women folk went, and so I had to drive the semi. I am not sure that the Pifeños have seen such a comical driving expedition since 2007 when I drove up to get hot dogs in my witch costume and orange hair on Halloween. This time, there were just 4 women all wearing extremely cute sun hats and glamorous sunglasses, yet also driving a semi. Not a sight regularly to be seen in Pifo. Just eradicating sexism one village at a time. The rest of the day consisted of eating and drinking and listening to music. We had a dance off, and obviously I won- you really cannot compete with my Shakira moves. We also tried to swing Alex by the feet like we used to when he was a baby, but unfortunately for him, he has grown quite bit, and we ended up dropping him on his head. We watched "Faye's Christmas" again, because it is the best movie ever made, and then Cath and I did our hair up all crazily and had a Mary Kate and Ashley photo shoot. We ended the night with another movie, and I stepped on a slug with my socks on, and that was gross.

I woke up quite early on Christmas morning, as I always do. I put a gold ribbon in my hair and then I immediately ran into Alex's room and jumped on the bed to wake him up. (I have to step in as the older annoying sister that he never had.) We then had a wonderful morning opening presents and singing carols and drinking mimosas (with freshly squeezed OJ I might add). There was even a Christmas miracle of 2 twin eggs in the chicken coop, so Cath could have happy eggs for Christmas breakfast. The day was a joyous one, we played basketball and ate too much food and drank too many drinks, and watched a few movies. Now, what I want to know is why the duck goes to sleep earlier than the chickens? There was a Christmas thunderstorm thta night and Cath and I had to fall asleep in the casita to really scary sounds.

On Saturday the 26th, we all went up to Otavalo. The younger generation crawled into the back of the truck, and weathered the freezing cold hour and a half drive up north. We had to hide from the police a few times, and it did start raining once, but we made it there alive. By the time we got there, though, it was absolutely pouring down rain. I was immediately drenched, and therefore immediately bought a whole new outfit. I decided to revamp my image. We went out to lunch and I was able to find a bathroom to change into my red pants, my purple llama socks, and my newly purchased chicken hat. We ate delicious pizza and then some chocolate fondue for dessert. We spent the afternoon shopping around South America's largest mercado and picking up all sorts of cool stuff, including some striped red overalls that I must say, put me right on cloud 9. We rushed back to the truck and managed to put a tarp up just in time- about 7 seconds before the next huge thunderstorm struck. Then my mom, Cath, Alex, and I sat in the back all the while breathing in diesel fumes and almost getting struck by lightning, which may or may not have been damaging to our health. We then stopped at the equator, took the tarp off, and soaked up some fresh air, which managed to stop the hallucinations. We also took a bunch of pictures on top of the world statue they have there. I ran around and scared people with my chicken hat, and did a sun dance on the equatorial line. It worked. We also got 24 roses for like $1. Gotta love Ecuadorian roses. We eventually got back home, and watched yet another new release movie. I love catching up on my movies down here.

Sunday morning we went to the market to get bunches of fruits, and then came back to yet another country breakast. After Alex woke up, we all got ready to go to the 700 steps, as my mom and dad weren't here yet when we went the first time. This time, it was sunny, probably thanks to my sun dance the previous day. Along the way we saw many baby pigs, goats, and mules. When we got up to the otehr side, there were many small children eating popsicles since it was a Sunday, and the tiny old man even stuck beer in the freezer for us. We ate many chochos (like a choclo and corn nut ceviche) and listened to the wonderful sound of the Andean flute. Finally, the King of the World, also known as Alex, decided that it was time for us to make the journey home. So, we climbed back down and then back up again and on our way, we passed the Hacienda Chuntag, which the padrinos own, and a young boy enticed us to come in. My mom had never been to Chuntag, so we decided to go in for a drink. Now, unfortunately for the rest of the family, they couldn't really make anything other than my ceviche, as the small boy seemed to be running the place all by himself. So, he went out, caught me a trout, and whipped up some homemade ceviche for the whole lot of us. (Yes, I was worried because it only cured for like 10 minutes.... but the little bugger said not to worry because he added a special ingredient- "amor.") We drank some beer in the hamamcks and strolled around the hacienda grounds, enjoying the trout ponds and the tunnels made of shrubbery. What a cool place. The small boy even gave us some flowers. What a Don. Catherine made some doughnuts when we got home, and then my mother made the hugest mistake of her life. She gave a small part of the last doughnut to Argo in front of Uncle Matt, and he burst into tears. Maple bars are his weak spot. Another movie for the night, and a bit of water coloring.

Yesterday morning we woke up and my mom, my sister, and I took the bus into Quito. Oh how I missed the 1.5 hour bus ride in with blaring reggaeton and mandarinas for sale. And, I still got it! We made it there no problem and got off at the chicken stop. We walked over to the hippie outdoor market by the Espiral, and picked up some jewelry and some homemade gelato, which just so happens to be Catherine's weakness. I love this place, it is so cool. I used to go there after work all the time to hang out. It also reminds me of a time when Phoeb came down here with me, and she tried to get a tattoo there, but due to my power of attorney, mission was not accomplished. I really need to get power of attorney over someone again, that was so fun. We tried to stop by Ecotrackers to say hello to Max and family, but no one was there, so I left a note. I will make sure to see them soon though, which will probably lead to a canoe ride down the Amazon again or something. Afterwards, we met up with the male folk (Dad, Uncle Matt, and Alex) at the Magoc Bean for old times sake, and had a delicious lunch. (They had been at the airport, trying to get the telescope that Mom and Dad brought here for Alex, but had somehow ended up in Mexico City). I ordered "Eclipse of the Gods," and it turned out to be something like a White Russian with a cherry. I just think one of the joys of life is ordering a drink that you have no idea what it is. Fascinating. Anyways, there were a couple of English boys at the next table, so Dad and Alex start talking futbol to them. I mentioned that my best friend and I had been over there just last summer, and they were like "Oh, what part of London?" To which I replied, "Oh, you know, around, the city." I love embarassing Catherine. And Alex. (Hence the striped overalls.) We all rode back together, and so the younger folk hopped back up into the back of the truck for the ride home. Cath and I sang every camp song known to man, along with all of the Bobs (Dylans and Marleys), the Cyndi Laupers, and the Cranberries. Also a few Les Miserables. Actually the list is too long to write. We are so eccentric. We enjoyed a bit of Baileys when we got home, and put together the telescope. We pondered watching Avatar, but then the power went out again, so we just had some fun doing weird things with candles for a while instead.

Now I hear the sizzling of bacon and the chatter of family in the kitchen. Time for another country breakfast. Cheerio!

It's fun to have fun, but you have to know how.

So, I last left you all on the afternoon of December the 19th. This is what happened next: From about the time of 4pm to approximately 7pm, I sat perfectly still while my sister and my uncle attempted to paint portraits of me. Everything is a race with these two, and they wanted to prove who had the best art 'skills.' Unfotrunately, I didn't realize that this project would take 3 hours before I agreed to it, and I ended up getting quite the crick in my neck (for some reason, me tilting my head was imperative to the contest). (It is also hard to drink beer in that position.) During this time, Ashley and Esmil went to some kind of political dinner in Pifo, which I am pretty sure turned into a dance party thanks to Ashley. There are few things cuter than tiny old Andean women drinking and dancing. Uncle Matt left to go scoop up my mom and dad in Quito, so Cath and I watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (one of my dad's favorite movies, third only to the Diehards and the LOTRs). Finally around midnight, the family was reunited. We laughed about memories past and drank beer until about 4am. I didn't know that my mom could stay up past 730pm. Impressive.

The next morning was Sunday- market day. We went up to the Pifo market and had some hornado for breakfast (I am a bad vegetarian in Ecuador) and bought all sorts of crazy fruits. We then started the day's festivities. Although Uncle Matt's birthday was yesterday, we thought that it would be more of a surprise and slightly more fun if we did it on Sunday instead, so we baked a Dr. Suess cake and decorated the house with balloons and whatnot. Catherine had a meltdown when her limbs went numb due to the combination of a spider bite, low oxygen content, and her anxiety problems (it runs in the family). Due to her incapacitation, Ashley and I had to make the frosting for the cake and it ended up looking like pink ink. We had a bbq and cooked up some cangrejos and made some delish papa salad. We also brought out the reggaeton, because let's face it, Pifo isn't Pifo without the thumping sounds of Gasolina. I also whipped out my wonderful Pitu kit given to me by the ever lovely Paulinha, and of course that was a hit! Caipirinhas in the Andes, what a wonderful day. After the breaking of the piñata, we then moved onward with everyone's favorite holiday tradition: 'Faye's Christmas.' "Dust dust dust dust dust dust dust." "1,2,3, limes. How much do limes cost? 3 dimes." "Grapes come from France." What a quoteable movie. And for those of you that aren't yet fortunate enough to have experienced 'Faye's Christmas,' it is a 20 minute long movie about the 12 days of Christmas acted out by weimereiners. Nuff said. We finished up the evening with a little of the aforementioned cake and due to the previous night's hurrahs, everyone went to bed at about 7pm. That is except, of course, for Ashley and I becasue hello- you can sleep when you're dead.

So, we cracked open a few more Pilseners and started to plot out our near future adventures. Not long after our plotting started up, however, we heard a rather loud domestic disturbance out in the alley behind the house. So, we did what any rational people would do and we brought our beers up to the the top of the roof to observe the goings ons in order to determine if we would have to step in and beat up the unreasonably loud and exceptionally short Ecuadorian man. (The dogs and the pigs of the neighborhood were not happy about the yelling in the street, and made this unhappiness quite clear. There is nothing worse than the sound of an angry pig. Ear-wrenching.) Luckily, I didn't have to go down and use my newly custom made Alex-spear to break up the fight because someone came along and brought the girl to safety. But, the young man did proceed to yell into the night for a good 45 more minutes. The pigs and the dogs remained unhappy. After a while it started to rain, so we decided to go back inside. However, that proved to be impossible because somebody had locked us out. We were not ready to sleep (it was only about 8:30 at this point), so we sat in the shop with Argo Argo and Luna and drank more Pilseners (thank the stars that they are kept outside) and had one of our good old fashioned heart to hearts. This heart to heart included us talking about blogging about having a heart to heart. Eventually, we went into the casita and I crawled into my top bunk with a bat and a tarantula next to my head while Ashley fell alseep down below next to Cath in the bat-free beds.

Yesterday we woke up and had another country breakfast. Even Cath the Vegan ate an egg, but only because it came from a "happy chicken." My mom is now feeding the chickens extra corn in order to keep them happy. We then took a family outing to Tumbaco to go to Supermaxi, because my dad's all time favorite extracurricular activity is grocery shopping. So, we hopped into the back of the truck and rode into town. Riding in the back of the truck is almost as fun as riding moto-taxis. We stocked up on goodies including diet coke and nachos (things we have been craving for a month) and made our way back home. Yesterday was Uncle Matt's real birthday, so we spent most of the day hanging around the backyard drinking and eating and having some quality family dog time. Ashley held her own quite nicely with our crazily neurotic and psychotic, yet pleasantly charming and witty family (as I knew she would). She really is a "lifer."

Today, Ash went off to Otavalo to meet up with another friend that also just so happens to be in the equatorial region of the Andes. We decided that she needs to explore this beautiful country that is new to her and that I need to hang out with my wonderful family that I never get to see, but it was quite sad to part ways as we haven't been apart in over a month. We will meet up again soon enough to trek through Peru though, so at least we have that to hold on to. In the latter part of the morning, the whole fam took a drive up to the pass and in order to experience some gorgeous views of the ancient Incan Trail, some wild goats, a few llamas, some sheep, a field of horses, a couple strangely colored cows, and about 7 rabbits. Many birds were also present. It was a crazy-fun ride in the back of the semi, and the scenery was simply breathtaking. Plus, we all looked quite cute with our makeshift hats. We just made a couple of pizzas and now everyone is taking a nap. You tend to get tired out when you breathe only half as much oxygen as you are used to.

Pifo, Pifo, it's a hell of a town.

We had one last Brasilian lunch with Chico and Paula and it was a great one. We ate waaay too much bbqed cheese and of course we had our last glasses of delicious caipirinhas and caipivoshkas. We then made our way to the airport and sadly said our goodbyes. We will be back, however, for their wedding, Carnival, and the World Cup 2014. Beijos primos!!!! Oxe I love you guys!!

We made it right onto the plane without a moment to spare, and a few episodes of Brasilian soap operas later, we landed in Rio. We then made our way to the gate and set up camp. We took a quick photo shoot, and then settled into our sleeping bags on the dusty, tiled floor. I woke up at about 4am to the airport workers opening up the Taca lines, and figured that we had better put our beds away and get checked in and be on our merry way. While standing in line, Ashley bought me some hot balls of something, and they were quite delicious. The plane ride from Rio to Lima was rather nice, as it was light outside, so we could see out the window and the liquor was free. Mind you, it was a morning flight, but I am sure it was 5 oclock somewhere. We passed over Lake Titicaca, which was a pretty cool aerial site, and landed in Lima at about 930am. We spent the next 12 hours window shopping and drrinking Cusqueña in the restaurant bar. About 9 beers later, we were ready to board. When I woke up, we were in Quito. What a quick flight. Uncle Matt and Cath picked us up at the airport, and we made our way home.

Boy is it good to be back in Pifo!!!! In the words of my evil little brother, "it is a hell of a town." (The stadium's up and parking lot's down.) Day one was mostly spent catching up with our South American family while having a little good old fashioned family dog time in the back yard with Pilseners, bunnies (I will most certainly win these bunnies in a game of monopoly), and chickens. I really like the new addition to the family- Argo Argo, mostly because she is named after me, but she is also an exceptionally cute dog. She is the spitting image of her mother, Luna aka Dobby. Of course my little Dobby is as cute as ever, and she is no longer possessed by the very old grandmother, so she has stopped squinting so much. We made some maple bars and Uncle Matt cried tears of joy. They turned out quite delicious. We also went into Pifo and got New Moon for 1.50 in the square, and yes I am officially Team Jacob after this movie. Ashley screamed like a banshee because found a tarantula in the bathroom of the casita and had to have Uncle Matt squish it.....

Yesterday we woke up bright and early and made a huge country breakfast. Or, as Alex would say, blekflest. We went into town and got 2 liters of cane liquor for $2, and then bought 867 different kinds of exotic fruit including babacas, maracuyas, and grenadinas, and then proceeded to show Uncle Matt how to make caipivoshkas. Pifeños will one day be grateful for this knowledge. Then Al got home from school, and we went to the 700 steps. Unfortunately, due to the fact that Uncle Matt had squished the spider the previous evening, it started raining..... We went despite the weather, and saw many baby pigs, goats, sheeps, and cows, and horses along the way. Many puddles and steps later, we reached our destination on the other side of the valley, where there is a little hut with llamas and horses and beer. We laughed because Alex doesnt know how to do a jumping jack and Uncle Matt doesn't know how to kick. Ashley jumped on a horse and went missing for a while, and then we all somehow made our way back home. I got stuck on a branch and somehow my camera case came unraveled and the pin that was holding it together stuck itself into my jugular vein. Needless to say, that reallly hurt! We hitched part of the way back home because we were tired and cold and I had to pee really bad. After we dried off, Ash, Esmil, and I went up to the Friday night market and got some aguacates to make some delicious nachos, and just as we were walking home, the power went out. So, we spent the rest of the night by candlelight talking and eating and making plans for a great race. Cath, Uncle Matt, Alex, and I will run a foot race and there is much at stake. Including a written statement of admittance that int he race of 1992, Uncle Matt cheated with a head start.

This morning we all woke up and got ready for Alex's Christmas play. We went into Tumbaco, to Alex's old school, and they sang many songs, and Al played the flute. I embarassed him by taknig many pictures and wearing tennis shoes with my dress. It was great. Then, we walked around Tumbaco for a while looking for some Christmas ornaments, and eventually made our way to the mall and found some only after sitting on Santa's lap. On the way back home, Ash and I rode in the back of the truck and we saw a woman on the side of the road that had been hit by a car. It was terrifying. Cath and I just went up to Pifo and did a little shopping and got some sour mangoes, which were delicious. The ATM is finally working. It was funny because it kept running out of money right before I would get to it. 78th time is a charm. We also just bought Planet 51, which I cannot wait to see. I love cartoons, and this one looks like a winner. I also love aliens. My mom and dad get in tonight, I can't wait!!!! Tomorrow will be so fun as it is market day and BBQ Sunday! Pifo is being taken over by gringos, I hope they have stalked enough beer.

On another note, the white poodle is still alive. The stupid roof dog still sounds the alarm. And I still have panic attacks when leaving the house. I hate the white poodle. It is my arch nemesis. I am most certain that my my harpoon gun destiny will one day be fulfilled on this very hill in The of Battle of Margo vs. White Poodle. Pinche poodle.

Beijos Brasil

Just a few things I want to say about Brasil before I go through customs:

1. The tp is made out of wax paper, so it doesn't really work. I don't fully understand this, but fully trying to understand the mysteries of the world is what leads to over-excessive cachaça use, so I am going to let this one go.
2. If you have something wrong with your ear, you must take breast milk from a mother of recently born twins, heat it up, and dribble just the tiniest amount into the problematic ear. Write that down.
3. Sometimes the ketchup (I hate when people say catsup) is actually raspberry jam, so do not be alarmed if you feel as if your $10 reais batatas fritas taste a bit breakfasty.
4. Brasilians take approximately about 8 showers a day. They are the cleanest people in the world. They will make any average American feel like a dirty slob (that may be intentional or unintentional, depends on the scenario).
5. The crazy fruits have crazy names and I may or may not name my first born child after one of the following- Acerola, Caju, Mangaba, or Abacaxi.

I will miss you Brasil. We had a good run. But I will be back in the near future- Carnaval, Paula and Chico's wedding, World Cup 2014 to name a few upcoming events.... like I always say- you can't get rid of me that easily. Wait, do I always say that? Ok, beijos.

Day 27: We went to jail.

So, yesterday leisurely started out with your run of the mill Ash & Marg type of morning. A bit of facebook picture uploading with a dash of cachaça pining all mixed in with a hint of giggling about how funny we think we are. I attempted to use the washing machine so that we would have at least one pair of clean underwear for our 2 day plane journey to Ecuador, and let me tell you- easier said than done. First of all, the plug that it was plugged into didn't work, or at least I couldn't get it to, and I didn't really figure out that this was my problem for approximately 20 minutes. I moved the washing machine so that the plug would reach a different outlet.... Not sure if that was really necessary.... Second of all, I dont really read Portuguese all that well, and this washing machine was not like ours at home, so I am quite sure I was doing everything in the wrong order at the wrong time. Finally, I couldn't figure out why it just stopped and the water wasn't draining, so I started to take the clothes out and wring them by hand. Paula's sister Bella woke up and was like, "You don't have to do that, the cycle isn't done yet...." ummm.... ok, so no one ever said I had any patience. Luckily, Bella came in at just the right time and she helped me, and thanks to her I have fresh pair of clean underwear, and for that I will be eternally greatful. Clean underwear is definately a quality of life issue, and we all know that I am a firm supporter of quality of life issues.

Not long after the washing machine debauchle, Chico came home and scooped us up for lunch. He took us to this awesome buffet place, where I ate one of everything. (Don't worry Mom, the vodkarexia is also going away.... although Stick Stickly will be missed greatly....) The fried macaxeira was to die for. They also had sushi with strawberries in it. Apparently putting fruit in sushi rolls is a Brasilian adaptation, and like it. I also had so much delicious fresh weird fruit- add the happiness of Clarke when she get's a fresh can of meal worms to the happiness of a whale when she gets a giant mouth full of plankton and that is how happy I was. (For those of you that are a bit math-challenged, that equals a lot.) Chico kept ordering us weird fruit juices as well and they were also quite delicious, only adding to my euphoria. We went back for round two... three..... and I am pretty sure Ashley went back for round four to get us all some batatas fritas..... which she then proceeded to dip into the mangaba juice claiming that it was like dipping fries into Brasilian McDonald's ice-cream. Don't try to understand. Anyways, lunch was great!

Paula met us at the restaurant and they made the switch. Chico had to go back to work
:( because he may or may not be a workaholic. Or maybe it is just that most people work during that day and don't just travel around using one credit card after another. What a concept. I will have to ponder that one. Just kidding Dad. Anywho, Paula took us to the Casa do Cultura, which was sooooo freaking cool!! It was an old ancient jail that has been renovated into an indoor market. Each cell is now a small shop. She took us to the best one- wait for it....... you guessed it!! A shop that sells all kinds of cachaça, and we got to try some crazy flavors like banana (sooooo gooood) and cafe (Ashley wants to drink nothing but that forever). So, we did a little window shopping here and there and took some crazy pictures and had a great time.

Then, we went to see this giant Christmas tree, which reminded me- hey, it is almost Christmas! I honestly haven't known what day or time it is since about September, so the Christmas tree brought me back to reality. Time flies when you are having fun in Brasil! After the tree, we went to Marco Zero. (This is the point in the city at which all things radiate from. All mile markers in the state start right there. And I stepped on it. I love stepping on special points.) We talked to a little amiguinho with a boat, and he took us across the water to a long spit of some kind that is actually a monument celebrating 500 years of something. There were all sorts of crazy statues and sculptures that were apparently done by a crazy old man, and it was awesome. From there, the three of us watched the sun set, and then with the flash of a smile, Paula got someone to turn the colorful lights on and all of the statues were lit up just as dusk was settling in. It was beautiful. We could also see all of the Christmas lights and decorations that were in the city from here. The Brasilian Eiffel Tower is just near the Brasilian Twin Towers and they were sooo sparkly, it was amazing. Then, we climbed back into our little boat and our captain took us for a detour to a nearby cruise ship. There we were- this tiny, tiny row boat, next to one of the hugest ships that I have ever seen. I felt rather like a small flea next to a large dragon. It was all lit up too, and it was really, really cool!! I am pretty sure I also saw a shark do a back flip out of the water right in front of the Italian flag that was flying from the mother ship. We had so much fun, it was such a cool experience.

Then, we headed back to Francisco's house for some delicious soup that he cooked up. It was a bit like squash I think, but there is no way of truly knowing that for sure. Then, Francisco had this bright idea- 'Let's all go see the scariest movie ever!!' So we headed on over to the latest showing of 'Paranormal Activity.' I have bruises on my arm from Ashley squeezing it, and I have cuts on my hands from my own fingernails digging into my skin. That is how scary it was. Then, things just got weird.

1. I stepped in wet yellow paint in the parking garage, and then I left no foot prints.
2. Ashley gave a thumbs down to Nautico's rival futbol team fans on the way out, and they put a curse on us.
3. We got home, and the wind started howling like it has never howled before.
4. It also started raining. I haven't seen rain since I left AK.
5. Doors started slamming.
6. Bells started ringing.
7. A bat flew by.
8. We tried to put all of our awesome pictures from the day on the computer and somehow from the camera to the computer they got lost in space. (ÔXXXE!!!!!!!! Let me just take a quick minute here for some deep breathing exercises so I don' freak out and throw something. I want to scream.)
9. THEN THE SHOWER TURNED ON FOR NO REASON. (Seriously, at this point, I was freaking out. I tried to turn it off and it was still pouring water. Paula and Chico were sleeping, and Ashley was facebooking. I ran through the house from the bedroom to the computer room with no pants on. That is how scared I was. Luckily, Ashley was the only one awake, and she is quite used to seeing me with no pants on. And luckily, due to the aforementioned morning's events, I had on clean underwear. I didn't want to go back into the bedroom, so I waited in the computer room with Ashley for like an hour.)
10. I finally went to bed and noises and shadows were everywhere. (I laid there with my eyes wide open until Ashley came in and scared the hell out of me with the opening of a door.)

Thank goodness the ever-thoughtful Chico put a lava lamp in our room last night so we could have a night light. I had one terrifying nightmare about ghosts trying to get me, but luckily Ashley was sleeping right there next to me, and so she held my hand. You see, the problem with having a sixth sense is that ghosts try to reach out to you, and when something happens like you see a scary movie and you start to think about them a lot, that is when they go in for the kill and try to make contact. Not that they are are evil, but let's face it, my fragile state of mind may just finally crack if I start seeing ghosts. I am not sure there is enough cachaça in the world to deal with that right now. Oh, Dad, you must be so proud. And yes, aliens are walking among us too.

Anyways, I just packed up my stupid pack and now I am pretty sure it is about 90% Christmas presents from Chico to North Americans and 10% Marg's crap. hahahaha, but seriously, I am really proud of the packing job I just did. I think I could now give my own mother a run for her money in the packing department. Oh, who am I kidding, I would never win that contest, but I will continue to brag about this packing job for years to come. Paula and Francisco will
scoop us up for a farewell lunch and then we will be on our way to the other side of South America. We have 12 hours in Rio and another 12 in Lima. The Rio stint is at night, so we will probably just sleep in the airport, but we will be in Lima from 9am-9pm, so I think we will go explore the city. Maybe pay Juanito a visit. We will arrive tomorrow at about midnight in Quito, and yes Uncle Matt- I promise to check to see if my bags made it, I will not just assume they didn't....

So here I sit, very sad that I must leave my Brasilian primos, yet also very excited to see my Ecuadorian/immediate family. Beijos Brasil and hola Ecuador!!

Day 26: Tio Fernando says, "Can you please hold my whiskey while I drive?"

And....... the Pitu party ensued. And it was awesome. A bunch of people came over to Paulinha's house and we made good use of that caipirinha machine. Now, let me try to explain what exactly this contraption was. Paulinha works for Pitu, a cachaça company. Pitu has expanded their company and now also produces things over in Germany. So, those Germans invented this machine, and then it was brought back over to Brasil. It is very large and heavy and comes in two parts: lime and sugar part, then cachaça and squish part. First, you stick your glass under the lime lever and pull. A lime is cute into 4 pieces and falls into your glass. Then, you stick it under the sugar lever and pull. A cup of sugar falls over the limes. Next, you stick it under the cachaça lever and pull. Then you stick it under the cachaça lever and pull again. Now you have a nice amount of liquid in your cup times two. Lastly, you stick it under the squish lever and pull a few times. A big smasher thing comes down and mushes everything together. Now you have your caipirinha and you drink it. Then repeat. We all had a great time with this thing, and kept track of how many we all had on the fridge (Brasilians have a different tally system, and so the tallies were kind of a mixture of USA and Brasil, so I am not sure that it ended up making any sense, and I am pretty sure Francisco just flat out cheated towards the end.... haha)....

Anyways, after a while of having too much fun at the Pitu pre-party, we left the house to have even more fun. Iaci dropped us off at the front gates of Requebra Brasil and we entered into a mass of about 50,000 people. Every single one of them was wearing either orange or green, depending on if they had "middle or lower class tickets." We had white t-shirts. We made our way to the VIP section (right in front of the stage) and went directly to our open-bar with no line and unlimited beverage supply. Let's just say there was never a moment in which I did not have two Skols in my hands. Now this VIP section was crazy. Not only was there prime location in front of the stage (you could touch it), a stage for viewers that I can only compare to box seats, aditional private concerts in nearby buildings, bathrooms with no lines, food, and open bars for miles, but there was a craft station. Seriously, there was a craft station for people to bring their t-shirts to bedazzle and cut into all sorts of shapes and sizes. I bedazzled a star onto my forehead.

So there we were, in the middle of complete Brasilian craziness, with beers on our heads and more beers in our hands, and Chiclete Com Bananas came on. Now, this band is the most loved band in all of Brasil. There is one guy that comes to every concert with an actual banana tree on his head. They were soooo awesome!! So damn good!! I will marry the badass drummer while Ashley and Francisco fight over the lead singer. We made our way to the front and got so close to the stage that we were actually touching it and guards were forcing people left and right to stop climbing up on the stage. So, there we were- about one foot from Chiclete, and there we stayed until about 3am. It was so cool. Somehow we made it home, I believe it was a taxi, and I believe I slept through that part. When we got back, we tried to drunk dial you Ellen, but we were too drunk to figure out how to charge Chico's phone let alone dial the buttons. So, we tried again the next morning, but apparently we were still too drunk to figure out how to do any dialing. Damnit. How embarassing. After our failed morning phone session, I took a shower and about 8 gallons of dirt poured off of me. Maybe I should have taken one the previous night, before I crawled into bed, but too late now. That concert was dusty!

Anyways, yesterday was awesome too. Paulinha had to work really early, so she couldn't come with us :( but Francisco took us to "Sunday at Grandma's house." His Vovô e Vovó are so cute! We got a tour of the huge hacienda that the Grandpa built himself, and it was beautiful. Fruit trees of every kind and even a pool. We tried every different kind of wonderful delicious food that they kept bringing us and Francisco's dad and uncle's kept giving us new kinds of cachaça to try. They take them here with cashew (like tequila and lime). Now, how many of you know that cashew nuts grow on the bottom of a fruit that turns yellow and you cook it and put salt on it and eat it with cachaça? I sure didn't, but you learn something new every day. It is actually quite good, of course a bit nutty, and also a bit chalky, but I like the mild nut flavor combine with the juiciness. You can make pies and things with them too. Interesting.

Anyways, we all headed on over to the Uncle's house next door, and there about 10 of us relatives sat around a table in the courtyard eating more and more delicious food and more and more delicious cachaça. (Some had been soaked in cashew.... now that was some good cachaça!!!!!) There was a parrot in the background singing along to the Brasilian music. After a while of chatting with the family, Tio Fernando mentions that he has a new horse, and invited us to see it. So, of course we say yes and we want to ride it. So, we all climb into his ridiculously nice truck and he asks me to hold his glass of whiskey while he drives. It was only 5 minutes away. We got there, and this place was so beautiful. Flowering trees of all colors and beautiful sleek horses. There was even an albino one with the palest blue eyes you have ever seen. It was so pretty. There, we met Hugo. A 9 year old Brasilian kid. The absolute cutest kid I have ever seen in my entire life. Now, I do not want to have a kid for at least another 25 years, but when I do, I hope it looks just like Hugo. This little bugger took us around the pasture for a ride and it was so fun. You can't help but smile when you are on a horse. In Brasil. Surrounded by flowers. With birds singing. And the world's cutest kid smiling at you. Breathtaking really. But, it had to end sometime, so we went back to the family gathering and joined in for some more quality time.

I love this family. They were all so kind and loving and made us feel like we were at home. They also may have convinced us to come back for Carnival. Does anyone have an in with American Express, because I think Mastercard and Visa have had enough of me. Just kidding Dad. So, we had a wonderful time with the family; it was so lovely. I love them. We left just after dark to go meet Paula and I saw some more mocegos (bats). They are so cute and tiny here (one of them visits Paula in her house every day). As we were driving home, we got stuck behind this truck with huuuuuuuuge speakers in the back and it was blaring music out of them. I felt like we were right back at Chiclete Com Banana!! It was hilarious to watch the people on the street dance as we slowly drive by.

So, we got back to scoop up Paula and we all went to the mall. Now, you might be thinking, "why would you go to the mall while in Brasil?? you have malls at home and the clothes and shoes are more expensive in Brasil, not cheaper...." Well, most of us have malls at home. Let us not forget that Ashley lives in Juneau, where the thing that they call a mall is actually a large building with a craft store, a hiking boot store, and a really delicious Mexican food joint. So, we went to the mall in search of the perfect watch for Ashley. She has been wanting one ever since she saw our dear friend Celine's Brasilian watch 2 years ago. This is when she realized that she is obsessed with green, and proceeded to buy a green watch and a pair of green sunglasses. She also may or may not have accidentally stolen some green swag. She will now have to sling bracelets on the beach to get home. We ate some delicious food and the best dessert ever. Delta Experience. So good. Then, the mall closed and we came home for some shut eye.

I don't know what is in store for today, but I am sure it will be something awesome. I love it here and I love Paula and Chico.

Now, for those of you who have expressed concern about my health, I want to show you a little something called the food pyramid:
6-11 servings of grains: beer
2-4 servings of fruit: wine, limes in caipirinhas, and exotic fruity caipivoshkas
3-5 servings of veggies: vodka is made of potatoes
2-3 servings of proteins: the little ants that crawl into my kool-aid-vodkas
2-3 servings of dairy: capetas have cream in them
use sparingly-fats and sweets: caipirinhas have sugar in them, but let's face it, this category isn't healthy, so let's not worry about it.
NO PROBLEM!!

How many different ways are there to eat crab?

Well, to answer that question, I would say quite a few. We all went out to this awesome seafood restaurant right on the beach last night and Mom- you would have been so jealous. Not to rub it in or anything, but I ate a lot of delicious crab in a lot of delicious ways. Paula's brother and his new wife came to join us, and they were both very nice and so very cute! I tried a few caipivoshkas made with fruit that I have never heard of before, and of course now I can't remember the names of those fruits, but I will reobtain that info and get back to you. We called it a night around 12, and headed back home. We looked like a bunch of bumbly bear-sloths walking in, as we were all so tired. I woke up this morning bright and early and ready for action because I couldn't contain my excitement anymore!! We are going to an all day music festival today and I LOVE MUSIC FESTIVALS!!!!!!!!!! I am going to go wake up everybody now because it is almost time to start our Pitu pre-party. (Paula has a special Pitu caipirinha machine, and we are going to try that baby out!!) Whoohooooooooooooooooooooo Chicletes Com Bananas here we come!!!!! :) AAAAALLLRIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!

VIP in Recife

So, after another 16 hours on the bus (which, by the way, did end up smelling like poop), we finally made it to Recife!!!! Did we get there at 8am like the bus people said we would? No, of course not. Do I know what time we actually did get there? No, of course not.... every clock in the terminal was different, and they ranged from 10am-1pm. I am guessing we were closer to ten due to the position of the sun, but there is no way to prove that.

So, I got out my little Brasilian Oi phone card and attempted to call Francisco.... about 78 times.... because I didn't think it was working.... No one ever said using a Brasilian pay phone was easy. Little did I know, that apparently it was working, and he was just in a meeting and I made his phone go off for like an hour.... hahahaha sorry about that one Chicão..... anyways, he called me back on the payphone (that is right, I answered the phone in the terminal and just said, "Hello?" like I was at home. I got a few weird looks on that one....) and arranged for Paula to come pick us up! I love her!!!!!! She is so awesome!!!!

Paula took us to a really cool place for lunch and right off the bat we ordered up some Caipirinhas. What more could we ask for? We ate some delicious food and had a wonderful lunch getting to know the newest addition to the South American branch of the family. It was great. So, then she took us to Olinda, where there are signs everywhere that say "beware of shark attacks".... I am now missing a leg, but it was just my left one, so no problem. We had a few Skols there on the beach while Paula ran across the street and to do some quick cachaça business deal, and then she came back and we ate the freshest crab ever. I mean it was literally crawling in my hand one second and the next it was on my plate..... pobrecito. It got revenge on me when it clawed my thumb though, and now I have a huge war wound. Crab ghosts are the worst kind of ghosts. Anyways, after the carageijo (sp??) we went up to this square and tried some tapioca, a strange little beady substance that they fry and then it kind of turns into a crepe type thing and there was queijo and coco in it. Delicious.

Then, Francisco finally got out of work and met us up in the square! Reunion! We had some more Skol, chatted about memories past, and then headed back to Paulas to get ready for the evening. I am pretty sure we googled the lyrics to Total Eclipse of the Heart so that Francisco could refresh his memory for the upcoming drunk dials. After taking a much needed shower, we went on our way. We stopped by Franciscos house and I got to see Iaci (sorry I know I am spelling that wrong!!) She is such an amiguinha!! She poured us a shot of cachaça and then we went out for a night on the town. Now, we arrived at this club.... red rope surrounding the door.. and we got straight in. No waiting in line for us because Paula got our name on "the list." We then proceed to the super-airconditioned dance floor, only to notice that all the tables are reserved. No problem. Paula manages to get us prime real estate somehow, so we were seated right away. Then, we tried some "snakes" :) aka snacks, and had some cervejas. The pre-party music was awesome, 1980s USA all the way. Then.... the band came on. They are from Recife, and loved by all. So cool. We put our dancing shoes on and rocked the night away. We had an absolute blast and stayed out quite late, even though they both had to work this morning!! Such good directors of fun!!!!

So, this morning, we woke up at Paula's and had a leisurely morning. She came to scoop us up around noon and took us to the beach. We sat there under and umbrella, and every time someone walked by selling all sorts of strange food, we would buy it. I ate whole shrimp (ripped their heads off and threw them at Ashley), whole fish with some delicious side dishes, a strange soupy concoction of seafood, beans, cuero, olives, and corn (really good actually!!), some nuts, some BBQed cheese on a stick, some coco, and who really knows what else. It was really cool trying so many new foods from the comfort of my own beach chair. Then, we headed back here to our new penthouse suite (yes, she also lives in one- amazing view of the city, and yes there was a gorgeous sunset). Paula had to go to work for a bit, so I watched Ice Age 3 with her sister while Ashley loaded up 9billion pics on faaaaacebook.

Side note- she has a really awesome camera, and mine is held together by tape and the battery only works for about 30 seconds before dying, so I am relying on her for pics. I will get the web address for them and put them on my blog to share. For now, they are on facebook.

Anyways, I love cartoons, and now we are getting ready for the night. I am not sure what is on the agenda, but Francisco and Paula should be getting home from work soon. I am so stoked for tomorrow- there is a huge outdoor music festival with like 10 of the most awesome Brasilian bands ever and of course Paula is getting us in VIP style once again. Why would you have it any other way? It will be awesome.

Day 22: get made fun of by parrot.

soooooo.... we spent most of the day trying to get a darn bus ticket up to Recife. unlucky for us, the people that work for the bus company would much rather surf than actually sell bus tickets. so, after trying literally everything in our power to get these tickets, we had to form a few more plans.

plan a: steal 2 donkeys and head north.

plan b: make a run for it.

plan c: take a bus to salvador and then catch one from there to recife.

Obviously, we opted for the donkeys.

So, after a morning of sitting on bus company steps and spending $22 on postcard stamps, we decided to meet up with our drum circle friends once again for some good old fashioned relaxation time. so, we headed up to the local tattoo parlor and found our dreadlocked pals in their camo pants. They were their usual hilarious selves, and so were we, so a good time was had by all. One of our amiguinhos had a parrot. I have not laughed this hard in I don't know how long. The parrot fake charged me, and then started laughing at me in a human voice. If I had not been staring at this parrot with my own eyes, I would have thought it was a small child laughing hysterically. It was the absolute funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. The parrot was making fun of me. He was screaming he was laughing so hard. I am never getting over that. We then ate dinner at a place where you can draw on the tables with crayons. That is of course why we picked the restaurant, what more could you ask for? We invited our new Israeli friend Shai and made him guess our top 5 (maybe 6) fave animals. It is our favorite game. I hate to brag, but my javelina turned out swimmingly.... well I have probably drawn at least 8,754 in my lifetime. It is my best skill. The crab moqueca thing I ate was good too. We tried to show Shai the parrot, but as soon as Ashley got the camera out, the parrot looked straight at us and would not say another word. Bastard.

(2 days later....) We hit the sack early that night because we had not slept in days. No, we did not take up crack to fit in with the locals. We were just having far too much fun. So, the next morning we once again tried to leave this town, but due to the aforementioned problems with the bus system in Itacare, we were not able to. So, we went on to plan z.... we made the best of it and went to the beach with 2 English girls, a German, a Hollander, an Israeli, and our local amiguinhos. I picked out a nice shady spot under a rather tropical looking tree and set to work doing the usual. The English girls were really cool, and we had a great time chatting about how crazy the Ecua-bus system is. Let's just say we could write a series of books about it and they would not be even close to boring. After we got back to the hostel, we realized that we had some misinformation about bus times once again (BIG SURPRISE), so we ran to the bank twice, packed up our packs, paid the bill, and ran through the cobblestone streets frantically trying to find the correct bus station. We finally found it right in the nick of time and got on the bus to Ilheus. Unfortunately, we had to leave without saying goodbye to our amiguinhos. Coincidence though- one of our band friends was on the bus, and we made him promise to make a facebook, which he did that very night. We also ended up leaving before those damn Germans paid us back for dinner..... scammed again. Damn. Always by Germans, never the locals.

Two hours later we were there, and then climbed onto another bus to Salvador. This one was sweet- the seats went all the way down, ac, blankets, headphones with a Jackie Chen movie, and a bathroom that didn't have human and/or chicken feces covering the floor. Nice. We got to Salvador this morning at about 6am. Of course the bus to Recife that is supposed to leave in the morning is non-existent today, so we had to buy a ticket that doesn't leave until 7pm tonight. So, we made the best of yet another transportation disaster and made our way to the town. We took a bus and ended up at the extremely large elevator that takes you up to the old town, which overlooks the ocean, the marina, and the old fort out in the water. Very picturesque. We made some friends with some capoeira dancers and watched them do their thing in the streets. So awesome, one of these days I am going to take one of them up on their offer to teach it to me. Then, some tourists from Sao Paulo, who apparently had a problem with Bahians, told the police that they were being accosted for money, and so there was a big uproar in the streets about how they were trying to preserve their culture and whatnot. We took this as our cue to get another Skol and find some lunch. We ate some rather spicy food at a kilo spot, and then got lost in the streets for a while. Luckily, we found our way back just in time to stop the dehydration with some delicious coco juice and I was able to get a rather nice sun hat to protect my fragile face and its fastly growing "beard." haha. Thank you Ashley for haggling the price down, you always got my back. Anywho, we made our way back here to the bus station with time to spare. We are finally going to Recife, and should be there by tomorrow morning. Can't wait to see Francisco and meet Paulinha!! I have a feeling a few people will soon be recieving drunk dials from Brasil. You know who you are. Alright, time to get on the next 12 hour bus ride. I hope this one has no chicken feces. Ooh I smell batatas fritas.

WTF?

So.... last night did turn into quite the extravaganzaaaaa..... we went out to this bar on the main strip for Victoria's birthday and I am pretty sure that at least one representative from each of the world's countries was there. I stood in for Thailand. I couldn't really afford to spend 10 reales per drink due to the fact that I am as broke as a joke, so luckily I found one of our new Chilean drum circle amiguinhos and he showed me where the gas station was (take a left at the dark alley and then a right at the kids drinking cachaça on the front porch) so that I could use my mastercard (the supermercado closes at 11pm, and lets face it, it was probably about 3am....) Thank you American credit system for making this possible. Just kidding Dad..... Anyways, Pingo the posauda dog followed us all the way, and I just want to say that he is just about the cutest Brasilian dog I have ever seen. He is always trying to put his paw on you. Kind of like Cath does when we sleep in the same bed. Just likes to know you are there. Definitely cooler than Pinche.... no offense Pinche. Somehow, we ended up going to an after party at the band's house where we played music and this tiny old crazy man kept kissing us on the top of the head and telling us about how he spends 11 hours a day climbing coconut trees. He then proceeded to try to braid my hair.... Next thing we know, it was light outside, so we headed back home. Our new Canadian friend tried to order us some 6am Brahmas, but even we were too tired for this kind of behavior, and so we opted out and went to sleep. About 20 minutes later, we woke up because we had to go to the bus station AGAIN to try to buy tickets to Recife. There are many things wrong with this bus station:
1. The only bus that goes to Recife is Sao Geraldo.
2. The Sao Geraldo office where you buy the tickets is not at the bus station, it is somewhere that is hard to find.
3. The Sao Geraldo office is never open when we get there.
4. The Sao Geraldo website doesn't work.
5. The Sao Geraldo phone number to the Itacare office is pointless because they are never there to answer the phone.
6. Sacanagem.
So, we will try again at 1:30pm, as they posted a sign swearing they would be back at this time..... So, after trying to figure out the bus dilemma, (only to decide that we can't do a damn thing about it until 1:30) I mosied on down to the local supermercado to get something to drink. On my way there, I saw one of our band friends. He was drinking a Skol (10am) and somehow I accidently knocked it on the ground, spilling beer and glass everywhere. They said no problem, and then bought me a beer. That about sums this town up in a nutshell. I went to get Ashley and we then proceeded to hang out with our band friends for a bit as we are just killing time until the bus place opens. Let's just say we opted out of their 11am activity and decided to blog instead. Let's add that bit of information to the nutshell. We don't know what we are doing today because our life decisions are currently dependent on this pinche bus, but hey the world is our oyster and we just a couple of pearls.

Chapter 3: Sun:1, Margaret: 5.

casakatura.com.... seriously, that is where we were living.... shout out to Rick who is such a badass that he had a gate opener straight out of "Men In Black." So, we did end up staying in our cliffside mansion a couple days longer than previously planned, but can you really blame us? We decide to spend another day at the beach, so we hopped on our mototaxis and sped over to Mucage, an awesome beach with white cabanas and Brahma for miles. We spent the day there meeting random beach hippies who shared their coconuts and their jewelry and whatever else they may have had up their sleeves with us. We somehow managed to convince our new friend Julio to take us home on his own motorcycle, and I am pretty sure Ashley videotaped the entire ride.... we may or may not have threatened him with our pocket knives when he took a "short cut" through the woods, and I most definitely assured him that our livers would be worth nothing on the black market, so he would be wasting his time if that was his modus operandi. So, we had him drop us off at the mercado where we purchased a large bag of dried beans and a large bottle of vodka.... it seemed like a good idea at the time. We headed back home where I learned the hard way that if you make kool-aid without the correct sugar to water ratio, you can get shot. I then accidently ate a spoonful of ants due to the fact that they had infiltrated my kool-aid spoon (how many times is this going to happen to me in my life?) and of course they tasted like coconuts. I do think, however, that the protein is helping my anemia, because everytime I eat ants, I don't bruise quite so easily for a few days. Ashley then announced that "what she does to me in my sleep is her own damn business," and I don't really know what to make of that. Maybe that explains some of the bruises. So we attended yet another red carpet event, as a friend was opening up a new posauda. There was dancing, Brahma, chapagne, glittery stars, Bob Marley, food, Brasilians, and I may or may not have challenged a local man to a rap battle using a Lauren Hill beat...... needless to say I shot that sucker down. "Oh turn the lights down low.... and we certainly dont drink beer out of small plastic cups..." Something along those lines.... so there you have it. We finally left the next day. It was hard, but we had to do it seeing as how we keep shaving off plans because we end up staying in one place for too long. The thing is, Arraial cast a spell on us. I seriously think it is a magical palce. Fairy dust in the water or something. But we somehow broke free of the haze, hopped on the balsa, rode across to Porto Seguro, found ourselves some mototaxis, and went on our merry way. There is also something about a mototaxi. Regardless of how terrified one might be, you cannot help but smile when riding on one. 9 hours later, we arrvied in Itacare. We met a German girl on the bus, so the 3 of us found a hostel for the night. Unfortunately, there are no couchsurfers listed here; it was late, and we were tired, and we didnt feel like scouring the streets for a kindly drum circle to take us in, so we actually had to pay for a hostel. We aren't fond of this concept, but we are coping with vinho. The night was filled with mosquitoes, and I may or may not have malaria now. Damn, just as the post nasal drip had subsided. It's one thing after another around here. We spent yesterday at the beach, and scoped out some good surfing spots. Unfortunately I had to cancel my surfing plans this time around.... You see, I finally shoved all of my insecurities deep down into their dark shadows where they belong, I stuck on my lime green rash guard, I took a shot of maracuja caipivoshka, and I ran straight into the ocean. It was all fun and well splashing about, but somehow despite my 100 helio spf/waterproof sunscreen, I still managed to get a couple of 3rd degree burns on my pinche spots. Sacanagem. So, alas, I am staying out of the sun today and will learn to surf another time. If I get taken out on this trip, it better be due to an anaconda swallowing me whole or a great white biting my head off or something. I will be damned if I let that bastard of a sun take me down. So, on another note, we found a Chilean drum circle on the beach last night at about 4am. We may or may not have joined it and acquired their protection. (Beach mafia? I am just saying..) Oh, and I lost Ashley becuase she jumped on the back of some moto and so I then had to make this German guy scour the beaches with me until we found her.... lets just say we almost stole the moto at that point.... we thought a night ride to Boliva would be exciting.... Spent today in a hammock with my music and my book and my journal. There may or may not have been a glass of wine present as well. Rather relaxing. It is our German friend Victoria's birthday today, so chances are we will turn tonight into some kind of extravaganzaa!! Anywho, off to Recife soon!! Cannot wait to see my Brasilian cousins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now it is time for some vinho to counter this self-induced heat rash. You really can't beat self-induced heat rash with a stick. Or can you? Ciao.....

we made a mexican feast

things are blurry as bees here in the luxurious lives of ash and marg. the moon is full and so are our bellies. we made a delicous mexican feast with variouos items that we found at the market and then watched the presidential address via internet tv. seriouosly, we are in the jungle and hooked up. ashley is currently placing a free long distance phone call to thailand. no big deal. we may or may not venture into the night right now to go on a very important missiion. mission macohna, if we choose to accept it. I have also gained an afinity towards grape koolaid. the coastal jungle is a funny, yet glorious place.

Chapter 2: Blink once if you want Brahma

Day 16:
-Went to the beach at 7am
-Saw lots of cool shells and coral
-Stopped at Munda`s house where Ash had to have a cafe.....
-Stop for some acai
-Stop to pack up some stuff
-Stop for gas
-Wait for the balsa
-Rick misses his plane.....
-Ash and Marg do not get on the bus to Itacare......
-We return to our cliffside mansion
-We see a 5 foot lizard with a blue stripe run across the patio
-I know wayyyyyy too much about barnacles because they are Ashley's fave animal.... they are kind of cool because they stand on their heads.....
-Arraial has inspired me to tattoo my entire body, so I may do that later tonight
-I love coconut juice
-We are going to make guacamole

Chapter 1: Living like the rich and famous on a shoestring budget.

So, where I last left off was me waking up Ashley by crying "llama!" That night we met up with a fellow couchsurfer at a little outside bar next to some live music. The only problem is, there was a ghost haunting the corner chair, and we were both negatively effected by it. The hippie from the beach made jewelry in exchange for shots of cachaca, and we went home slightly dazed due to our encounter with the spirit world. llama, brahma, obama, yo mama. We woke up the next day and headed out to find a bank (where monkeys tried to poop on our heads) and visit our new couchsurfing friend's "secret spot", which is a view of a lighthouse, very picturesque. We headed back to Aline's at about noonish. She apparently had set her alarm for 6am to get up and start drinking brahma (she was finally done with school!!) and she neglected to wake us up to join in. hahahaha.... Pinche Aline... so we headed up to our rooftop party. A serious 360 degree view of Vitoria, the ocean, and Vila Velha. So awesome. I made Ashley eat a chicken heart on a stick without her knowledge, which I must say was quite hilarious.

ashley: that was NOT funny at all actually.

We once again took advantage of the open bar, and before we knew it, this Brasilian that I swear must have been on Tool Academy-Brasil, threw us in the pool fully clothed and even shoed. So, I just swam around in the pool for a while with my Sunday`s best on. Things got crazier and crazier, as they will at a rooftop pool party, and we start to yell hilarious things into the bull horn. I made ashley a turkey out of a chocolate wrapper, but then the wind grabbed it and someone stepped on it, so my work of art turned into garbage and she rejected it. next thing I know, we are headed to the bus station to catch our 9oclock bus, and we got there at.... 9:01. Of course the one time that a bus actually leaves on time just happens to be the same instance that our sense of time is slightly blurred. So, our new couch surfing friends took us back to this beautiful farm hosue, where we proceeded to have a nice evening chat with his mother, where I discovered that I apparently have incredibly cute ears, which I always thought were a bit elvin. We slept on the floor once again, and then next morning woke up bright and early to go visit a far off waterfall. After a long drive through rolling countryside hills and cows that can walk on vertical land, we reached our destination. La Santa Leopoldina, it is a park dedicated to an Austrian Princess. Anyways, apparently there is an onca (like a small leopard) that lives there, but we didnt see it. We walked up the wataerfalls and where we heard a million bugs screaming at us in weird tones, so we are pretty sure they were trying to warn us of the incoing giant feline. We saw a cave and some morcegos (bats). We both fell asleep on the way back, as the music was rolling with the hills, and the sun was bright and hot.

We visited a music school for kids, where our new friend Joaquim volunteers his time to teach children to play the piano, and the kids spoke perfect english, how refreshing. We met up with Alyson, our other new friend and at some point ate some more pizza. Now let me tell you about our new friend Alyson. He is the funnniest cutest gay Brasilan man I have ever met. Let's just say it is times like this that I wish I were a gay man. Unfortunately, he too is unlucky in love, so we decided that if we are both still alone in 5 years, we will then tie the knot in order to facilitate the exchange of green cards. Haven't you ever heard of a sham wedding? Anywho, we caught our bus that night, in fact we got there like an hour early and it got there an hour late (go figure), so we did not miss it!!

We slept most of the night and awoke in Porto Seguro. Due to the fact that neither of us speak portuguese and we didnt have a map, we spent quite some time deliberating which bus to take to our next couchsurfer. We were hungry and thirsty and i was and trying to figure out where the hell we were, when a kindly man hands ashley a giant poky fruit that is slimy and weighs about 78 pounds. So, we decided to get on the bus going to the beach because we know our friend lives on it. With broken portuguese and the kindness of strangers and a giant magical fruit that may or may not have really been a dragon egg, we made our way to the correct stop. this is where things got tricky. we didnt exactly have the best of directions, so we wandered aimlessly through neighborhoods in 150 degree weather with 100 percent humidity and backpacks that weigh at least 800 lbs each. And a giant poky fruit. That is when we met some more kind strangers, who helped us figure out where we were going and also informed us that the giant fruit was not ripe and could not be eaten, so having carried it for 6 kilometers was a complete waste of energy.....

We got to Gustavos house (what is with all the Gustavo signs? first, the movie, now this couchman... Gustavos come in 3s you know, the next one will bring a prophecy..) So, we get to this really nice house, and he is not home. So, the neighbor calls him for us, and he rushes home to let us in. Unfortunately, we are not very good communicators since we have no cell phone and the phone card wont work, so they didnt think we were going to show. They had plans to go to the beach, so they gave us a key and were on their way. We were happy to have a place to rest to ourselves, but then this giant puppy pooped on the floor, peed over everything, and then tried to bite us and rub his smell all over us, as if we needed to smell any worse. So, we got refreshed, ashley poured a drink out of my water bottle (which apparently she had filled with vokda, thank god I didnt take a swig of that), and we go on our merry way.

We figured out how to get to Arraial D'Ajuda, which is this little town across the water from Porto (which is also the first spot that the Portuguese landed way back when), and we walked about 3 miles to the beach. We kept thinking it was right around the corner.... We got to this little fishing beach, and took in the speedoes, the kite surfers, and the caiparihnas that were about 99% cachaca. I had to accompany it with an agua com gas. That is when we noticed that everyone was staring at something behind us. So, obviously we turned around to see what was going on, and what did we see?? 6 military police armed with automatic weapons of all kinds, out and ready to open fire. Seriously, they were wielding machine guns. They walked over to 3 kids that were sleeping behind a boat, and kicked them to get up. The 3 kids jumped to their feet and put their hands behind their heads. Due to the unfortunate fact that we suck at eavesdropping in Portuguese, we have no idea what happened. My guess is that these children were the head of a large drug cartel, but I suppose we will never know. Think City of God. And side note- this experience really brought me back to my Peruvian CIA agent days. Latinos in a uniform.

Anyways, after all of this excitement, we took a stroll up the hill to the little historical town that overlooks the ocean/jungle. We saw a very old, beautiful little church, and then mosied our way to the rich-hippy section of town. A hotel manager that speaks perfect english due to his time in Miami invited us into his restaurant to taste a home brewed beer and so how could we refuse? We didn't. We got a really nice outdoor table and listened to the Brasilian bands as they play in the streets. We had some delicious food, and Mucha (the bar manager) called up his American friend, Rick. Ashley proceeded to call him Carl for the next 4 hours. Rick is awesome, and speaks english, so that was a plus for us. We could finally have a conversation with another person. haha..

So, we decided to switch couches and just stay at Ricks, which just soo happens to be a cliffside mansion, overlooking the ocean with the jungle in the foreground with bright yelow birds dancing to and froe and palm trees every which way, and let us not forget to mention the horizon-pool or whatever those things are called. Paradise. Paraiso. Paradisio if you well. I am not kidding, I dont know how we get ourselves into these situations, but hey, we are not complaining.

We woke up yesterday on a memory foam mattress, two feather pillows, and 10000 thread count egyptian cotton sheets. we also woke up to a pool party, lil wayne was blaring from the speakers, the palm trees were blowing in the breeze, and the ocean was bright and teal behind the green jungle. we heard monkeys and birds over the lil wayne and there were a million gorgeous brasilian girls dancing in the pool. where are we?? they were all so nice, so we proceeded to drink grape-koolaid and vodka for breakfasts, and learn how to dance the samba. I am not kidding-where are we?? Coolest place on earth. That is where. This is when we learned that the reason that brasilian girls have such nice posteriors is that they are always walking on cobblestone streets with 6 inch heels on. First of all, no one told me to bring my red high heels, and second of all, I can barely walk on cobblestones without tripping while wearing tennis shoes, so although the mystery was solved, the mission will not be accomplished. We have also noticed that the women only wear thongs and the men only wear speedos. People think we are conservative, and they tend to ask if we are traveling nuns. That is, until they take a sip of our kool-aid.

So after the pool party, we headed down to the beach on some moto-taxis. Mom- close your eyes for the next sentence. We hopped on the back of these crazy little motorcycles and flew through the town with the wind in our hair and the bugs in our mouths. Ok Mom, I know you read that anyways, so I will now inform you that I yes I did wear a helmet, so dont worry. we went down to a beautiful beach and people watched, quite a fun thing to do in brasil. we did not this time, however, witness any children being held at automatic gunpoiont. After the beach, we headed up to Portinos, a restaurant where you pile up food like a buffet, and then you pay by the kilo. odd, yet it works. so I ate a bunch of good brasilian food, and we then realized that we had to find a way to get our stuff back from Gustavos. luckily Rick has a friend named David that has a car (a little bug from the 70s), and we convinced him to drive us to the old couch in order to pick up our stuff so that we didnt have to take 2 busses and a ferry to get there.

We headed over there, and met up with our old pal Gustavo. We felt bad having not spent much time with him, but when we saw more poop on the floor, our decison was sealed- cliffside mansion it was. the decisions was sealed even further when ashley grabbed her pack and 7 million ants poured out of it. I thought she was going to cry. seriously. they were the tiny ones, the ones that taste like coconuts. so, we went on our way and stopped in the downtown for a little capeta. it is like a pina colada only with extra brasilian zing. we made it to the ferry just as it was leaving, and then somehow ashley talked the captain into letting her drive it. so far, she has driven 3 brasilian cars and s ship. I dont particularly enjoy driving, but she appaertnly is the new vin diesel. does that make me paul walker? I have no idea. We came back to our mansion and made some caipavodshkas, listened to some music, and enjoyed the view. We decided then and there that if someone is wearing a cape, you should listen to them.

We woke up this morning once agaiin to a pool party in our paradise. ricks opening a bar here, so the entire staff came over to test out menu items. we have been sitting here sampling delicious food for the past few hours. seriously. life is good. almost too good. it is scaring me. knock on wood. someone just passed us a fruit salad and the odds of us not running outside and hiding behind a bush to eat the rest of it are pretty much slim to none. no problem.

First we get our ducks in a row, then we get our drinks in a row.

I have decided to try to make Ashley a Thanksgiving turkey out of cheese balls. That would be one delicious substitute.

Ashley chopped off her toe with a machete and she also thinks Dennis Rodman is hot.

Yesterday we spent the afternoon "chillaxin" (seriously..) out on the veranda of our penthouse suite enjoying the view. I could seriously live here forever, and if we don't buy our bus tickets today, the chances of me doing so are very high. So, we enjoyed the calm, breezy peace of being 11 stories up in a Vitorian heaven until Ashley somehow managed to chop her toe off with a machete. Seriously. It bled everywhere and I almost passed out. Oh I feel queasy just thinking about it. We were going to visit the picturesque cathedral on the hill, but we got there 15 minutes after it closed, so we took a drive around the city and soaked up the sites. The favelas (slums) are so extremely colorful here, and it is strange because they are right next to the ritzy parts of town, which is apparently why the drug wars are getting so much press. Don't worry, there is no drug war currently going on in this town, but I hear that is the place to go if you want acquire vast quantities of dynamite. (Which, I have decided might come in handy if I have to bust Ashley out of the Alcatraz-style prison located just off shore.... I'm just saying....) Anyways, after our drive, we went back to Aline's and took a stroll down to the spit that we can see from our balcony. People were fishing off of the steps and there is a goddess of the sea protecting them. It was beautiful. We ordered up some Brahma at the nearby pizzeria and chowed down on some pretty darn good pie. This morning we woke up, and went back to the cathedral (this time making sure to get there earlier....) The hike up to the top was quite a workout as we have spent the last few days drinking Brahma and talking about llamas, so exercise hasn't really been a party of our daily routine. We trekked up the mountain and saw lizards of all shapes and sizes (in fact, I am pretty sure one of them was Longtail's great Uncle, he had that same blue stripe), and when we got to the top, the view was incredibly amazing. Just breathtaking. We had a 360 view of Vitoria (which is actually an island), Vila Velha, and the Atlantic ocean. So beautiful. So, we took a million pictures and made our way back down the lizard trail. On the way back home, we went to the chocolate factory. What more could you possibly ask for in life than just simply being in a chocolate factory? Now we are back home once again and Ashley is sleeping like a puppy all wrapped up in Batman bandaids. I mean she is wrapped up in Batman bandaids and is sleeping like a puppy, she doesn't look like a puppy wearing bandaids, that would be weird. We were going to travel further up the coast tonight, but we once again delayed our departure due to a party that will take place tomorrow at noon..... the dance party will be on top of this luxury building, with panoramic views of the city/beach, it will have an open bar, and there will be cheese balls. Damn, those are good. I must say, it didn't take that much convincing because we are currently living the life of Brasilian queens. I am now going to go out on the veranda and yell that I see a llama because that is the one sure way to wake Ashley up.

Oh hot llama.

There was a Peruvian llama,

She really enjoyed drinking Brahma,

So she went to Brasil,

And there got her fill,

And then sent some home to her mama.

Ashley is going to get us macheted....

and so we meet again dear blog..... currently sitting on the veranda having a spot of cafe with my llama-loving friend listening to some glorious latin tunes and enjoying the view of this Brasilian beach. Aline picked us up yesterday around 5:30 from Flavs house. we came back to her penthouse with a gorgeous view of the beach. nuf said. ashley and I decided to go for a stroll, and made it about one block before we saw a big yellow sign calling to us- yes it did say Brahma. so, we parked ourselves down and started to draw our top 5 favorite animals on the tablecloth. I am thinking of adding the Bornean Bearcat as # 6, but that is a big decision as I haven't added one since the Javalina made it back in 2004. still debating. anyways, not long after we settled down into those comfy plastic chairs, we hear, "Yall speak english?" It was Johnny, our new amiguinha from Mississippi, who just so happens to be a big oil tycoon. he didnt tell us this right off the bat, however, so when I was preaching about the importance of the amazon rainforest and how I am going to save it, I am really glad that I didnt throw in how evil the non-renewable energy is... that would have been awkward.... so our brief jaunt at the local brahma house turned into a 5 hour adventure in which many things happened.... first, we had some delicious fried bass. then, Aline, Flavias brother Gui, and his pal lucas showed up. (Gui thinks he is Mathew McCaunahey- he never wears a shirt, I am not sure he owns one.) which leads me to my next anecdote. due to the fact that he was only wearing a swimsuit, I have no idea where he put his wallet, but clearly it was somewhere bad because he got pick-pocketed by a little man that may or may not have time traveled here from 1985. That is how bright pink his shirt was. blinding. One moment we were all sitting there enjoying the brahma and lime flavored cachaça (much better than the blood sausage kind) and the next moment all his stuff is on the floor, and the little man takes off. ironic, seeing as how he lives here and we are the foreigners, but I do hold onto my satchel like a pulgita latches onto a baby pig. anywho, this is where things get interesting. ashley chases the guy and starts yelling obscenities in languages that I didnt even know existed. I tried to stop her, but she is such a fast little spitfire. Looking back, I shouldnt have given her such a hard time, because I suppose everyone needs a memory of chasing a thief through foreign allies, it happens to the best of us. (note- mexico 2005). Anywho, needless to say she didnt get Gui's stuff back, but it really put a spark into the night. then..... the bill came..... our dear friend Johnny the oil man had left right before the robbing incident, but before his departure, he put our ginormous brahma bill on Chevrons tab, so I guess I cant say the oil industry is good for nothing. anywho, after he left, we only had about 4 more brahma... not the 8 plus the cigs plus the food that they tried to charge us for. we were with 3 brasilians, and they couldnt talk the manager into any sense, so ashley McSpitfire stepped up the plate once again. she brought the tab up, ripped it in half, and said that is what we would pay for..... we then got kicked out, but hey, we didnt spend a dime. note to self- do not walk to the left when leaving the penthouse suite, as I am pretty sure someone is hiding in the bushes with a machete waiting for revenge on the pinche americans..... blast. So, we made our way to the beach for some southern cross viewing. ashley jumped in the ocean because she is insane (she thinks it is warm because it doesnt have icebergs floating in it...) and we had a great time chasing crabs and listening to cyndi lauper. dont ask. Then, back to Alines and I slept on a bed!!!! whoa! now we are going to head to the Convento in a bit to get some good pics of old architecture and mind blowing views. The maid is washing our clothes right now, which I feel weird about, but I tried to help her and she wasnt having it. Ashley is yelling at me right now to look at the llama pulling a cart. It is a horse.

MUVUCA!!!!!

Cachça, cachaça, cachaça....

So let's seee...... I last left off right before we headed to Vila Velha- the next town over, that you have to cross an extremely cool bridge to get to... we packed up 6 people in a rather small car and made our way to meet about 10 of the old men relatives that apparently had been drinking for hours without our knowledge.... so we quickly caught up with the help of some Brahma and cachaça and some good old fashioned Brasilian drinking songs. There was one huge old fat man that didn't belong to us, but due to the fact that he was wearing a tiny speedo and had a t-shirt wrapped around his head like a Sultan and was also sporting some David Hasselhoff-cool Baywatch shades, we made him come hang with our group in order to make an awesome music video. They tried to make us eat yucky-looking sausage stuff, as they said it would calm the taste of the cachaça. Whatever happened to a lime? A big hunk of blood sausage just isn't quite the same as a lime.... So, then Ashley and I walked across the alley to the praiha (beach) and walked around these cute little booths, looking at neat stuff. Many earrings made of nuts and feathers, but a bit pricey. The beach is soooooo pretty. In all aspects. When we headed back to the group, it was time to go home to get ready for the party. This time, we rode with a different bunch- one of them being a little old man with the biggest smile you have ever seen in your life. We sang "Twist and Shout" the entire way home, as he had a Beatles cd, and right when we were almost home, we passed all the old female relatives, who looked over and almost had a million simultaneous heart attacks. The little old man was hanging out the window, screaming a Beatles song at the top of his lungs and so they made him get out and walk with them..... hahahahahahaha we could not stop laughing.... that was hilarious!! So, not long after his departure, Ashley and I hopped out and went to the Saturday night open air market on the beach that is relatively close to Flav's house. This one guy gave us some free deep-fried coconut chunks, which were really, really, really good!! There was lots of cool stuff there, but pretty expensive again, so we made our way back home. When we got home, Celline was already there, so the three of us started to get ready for the party. We all put on our best dresses and did our hair and then Elline (Flav's friend) picked us up and we headed over to one of their friend's house for some pregaming action. We got to the party around 11:30 (yes it started at 11) and whoa. I have never in my life been to such a huge, crazy, fancy party!!!! I don't even know if I can describe it, but one of our goals is to start using more adjectives and better nouns, so I will try. There were 27 graduates. Every single one of them brought their entire extended families and all of their friends. Hundreds upon hundreds of people. They were all dressed like they were going to prom or getting married. There was an open bar. Yes, an open bar for that many people. You could order whatever you liked, and they would make you fancy drinks with fresh fruit- (the squished strawberries with vodka was to die for). There was a great live band, and different people dressed up for every song in crazy costumes. (For example, during a 70s song, they put on huge afros..) There was fancy sushi and every kind of food that you could possibly ask for. And waiters that were all dressed up and looked like they came straight out of GQ that kept bringing ashley and I flowers and cotton candy. It was CRAZY!!!!!!!! It also just so happened to be Flavia's brithday, so after we sang to her (the whole entire 100s of people) and took a million pictures (professional) and threw ballons and cake and whatnot, the dance party was ON. Of all the dance partys I have been to in my life, this is one was by far the most EXTREME. Brasilians know how to party, that is for SURE!! crazy lights, crazy neon headbands and glasses and sparkly things everyhwere. alcohol flowing, limbs flying, people screaming, shot glasses tilting, feet moving, dresses sacheting, high heels being ditched, hands clapping, things being spilled.... (ok, so I am not so good with the adjectives yet, but I am working on it.) Anyways, we danced the night away until 6am and were forced to leave. Then Celline, Ashley, 2 other girls, and I went to the beach to watch the sunrise. It was gorgeous. Epic if you will. Then, we got dropped off back at Flav's house....... and we didn't want to stop having fun. So, I performed the "Thriller" dance for Ashley while she apparently took a video of it on the balcony and then when I couldn't find my contact lens case, decided it was a good idea to just throw them off the balcony as a grand finale. Don't worry, I brought more, and it was time to replace those ones anyways. The next morning.................... lets just say I went back to sleep and woke up at about 3....... we pretty much just hung out at Flavs and said goodbye to all of the relatives for the rest of the day. All 2873492 of them left on buses and planes and trains, until we were the last ones standing. I willl miss the amiguinhas. Last night, her brother took us to the beach for some mohoaca, and we looked for the southern cross in the sky. A nice calm evening compared to the previous one. Then, we came back, got some delicoius food, and watched a movie about Gustave, the man-eating croc...... Now it is noon, I just finished updating this blog, and Ashley just woke up. (The noise that likes to wake us up in the morning can only be described as a giant cyclopse ogre smashing boulders next to our ears.) Oh, and Pinche. He is also that loud. The dog is the size of a rat and has the vocal chords of a banchee. And it's name is seriously Pinche, so enough said. We are going to make somewhat of a plan today so we know what we are doing for the next month. We might stay here a few more days with Flav's friend Elline, as she said she would show us around and whatnot. So, now we sit here with Pinche, now the only ones in the house (except for the housekeepers, who speak not one word of english, but are very nice) drinking our coffee that tastes as if an entire sugar cane were just thrown right into the pot. Saude. P.S. Thanksgiving may or may not be in 2 days and it is Ashley's favorite holiday, so I am going to have to make her a turkey out of stinky ham and cheese. I think it is maleable enough to mold into quite a good one.