Go put on your tuxedo Alex, it's time to eat a cheese blintz.

Well, well, well. Back to the land of high stadiums and low parking lots. (Cath- we did hit up the Mensa parking lot and I am sure you can guess how that went.)

I have taken up baking. I think that Pifo brings out the baker in me, most likely because Uncle Matt gives me a lot of positive reinforcement. I have mastered pies, blintzes, a newly invented variation chocolate fudge brownies, and today I wll move on to eclairs.

Speaking of baking ingredients, the chickens have all gone mad and they are eating their own eggs. I believe Ashley is behind this turn of events.... it has her name written all over it. The little fighting chicken decided to take over a flower pot to raise her chicks in, but Argo found the nest before they could hatch. Pinche Argo. She may be a hell of a dog, but her policy towards chickens could use some work.

We went to a ceremony at Alex's school on Saturday. They are forced to swear fealty to the Ecuadorian flag every year, while they march in place and sing songs about how they hate Peru and whatnot. It all looked a bit fascist to me, but the mere fact that the Italian kid marched in place much better than Alex will make great material for Cath's screenplay.

So, I started taking notes.

We went to the BBQ at Ximena's grandmother's mansion afterwards, where I was able to jot down many more juicy tidbits for Cath's future movie. For example, all of the kids kept throwing eachother into the pool, and the Italian kid had a terry cloth robe just waiting for him as soon as he climbed out. Say no more.

I was able to try out my new water bottle holder that day. Naturally, it has a llama on it, and it turned out to be just the perfect thing for sneaking some vino tinto into the party. (I have learned from past experiences that Ecuadorian's only drink one half a cup of beer every 45 minutes, and that will just put this Gringa to sleep.) Alison's brother discovered the WBH (water bottle holder) secret while the parents were all playing futbol, and so I had to hush him up with a story about how one time I broke a girls leg during a high school soccer match. I think that did the trick.

Speaking of almost passing out, Alex broke his finger in the pool. Don't ask me how, becuase I am not quite sure. But, he came in the house and yelled, "Margo, can you get me some alcohol!?" I thought he wanted a beer, which I thought was a rather strange thing to request in front of your teacher and principal, but it turned out he just wanted to disinfect the finger that was gushing blood everywhere. The little Ecuadorian girls took good care of him though, so apparently his fake sideburns do serve a purpose. (Although the Italian kid has much bigger fake sideburns. Classic.)

Last night, Alex and I went on a mission around Pifo to look for another copy of Grand Theft Auto for his PS2 (his mom hides them and then he has to buy another copy.... this happens about every other day) and it turns out he has a bigger gambling problem than Cath. Long story.... it involves Dance Dance Revolution and an underground marble ring.

The white poodles are out of control and are growing in numbers. I lost my dog whistle, so I must bring protection with me at all times. Since I don't have my harpoon gun with me (it is difficult to take across international borders), I bring either an Uncle, a cousin, or a small obsidian daggar that Alex fashioned for me, which has already been destroyed in battle at least once. When will this war agaist the white poodle and his minions ever end?

It is time to master the French art of eclairs now, call me Julia Childs if you wish.

Back home in Pifo!

Feb 20- We explored some more Miraflores markets that day, ate some delicious street ceviche, and met a rather nice Peruvian woman who spanked Ash and Dilan as they danced salsa in the park and showed me where to get some great ice-cream. After an afternoon of fun, I sadly said my goodbyes to Ash and Dill, and tried not to cry as we parted ways. I feel as if though my right arm has been ripped from its socket. At least Ash will be arriving in Pifo shortly, otherwise I am not sure I could have taken it. Charlie, it really hurts. As night fell, I made it to the airport where I helped a poor neglected survey boy with his work, and in turn he gave me a keychain. Score! After an extremely pleasant ride on the ever-reliable TACA airlines- with a whole row to myself and a freashly made tuna sandie- Uncle Matt picked me up at the Quito airport at a rather late hour. When we got home, we spent a while catching up on the happenings of the past month over a couple of Clubs until we realized it was 4am and went to bed. I have no concept of the space-time continuim anymore. And oh how I missed falling asleep to the family roosters.

Feb 21- Yesterday I went to a BBQ with Alex and Esmil at the Compadres house. I ate some rather delicious food and talked about the Cusco floods with some rather distinguished guests. After returning home, we made some delicious pear pie and watched a movie about Zombies. Boy it feels good to be home. I can flush toilet paper down the toilet and relax without having to worry about finding a naked Swede peeing in my bed. Pifo is a hell of a town.

Ode to my right arm.

One night after drinking some mead,
Ash discovered a buck naked Swede.
He was sprawled on her bed....
And he looked kinda dead.....
And it appeared as if though he had peed.

Classic.

Feb 17- We got ahold of Dill Pickle on the ever reliable facebook and took a taxi ride over to Miraflores (the coastal, beachy part of Lima) and found him in the park. Our taxi driver decided that we were the 3 best friends that anyone ever had and he bought us ice cream and took us to some great cliffs overlooking the Peruvian beach. Classic Santo. I almost went paragliding, but I didn't have any money, so that answered that question. We spent the rest of the day exploring Miraflores a bit more. We almost got stung by a scorpion, had fun on a twirly thing in the playground with some young children, went to a mall that is built into the side of a cliff and ate at Tony Roma's (I felt like Aunt Lil) where we had not white rice, but gasp!! shrimp scampi pasta!! It was to die for and so was the waiter. We headed back to the hostel shortly after and hit the hay. The black lung was taking over.

Feb 18- We fixed up a homecooked meal at our beloved and brightly painted hostel and woke up nice and slow while Ashley played her one song on the guitar. I love that song. Eventually we walked to some ancient ruins and ate some ice-cream. We had a picnic on the beach that evening that consisted of sandwiches (classic Ashley) and we got palta (avacado) on everything. What else is new? The black lung got the best of me, so I opted out of watching the end of the Argentinian/Peru futbol game with the rest of the multicultural group that was hanging out in the living room and curled up in a ball and tried to breathe in some oxygen as I fell asleep at an early hour. Those Bolivian sandstorms really clogged up my respiratory system.

Feb 19- Ash got me a lucky crystal while I was sleeping, so I fashioned it into a necklace so that I can have this good energy-inducing geological miracle close to my heart at all times. Santos was still waiting outside that morning (he has been outside our hostel for the past 3 days) and so we had to sneak out in order to avoid waking up on an ice bath with a scar on our left hips and 3 missing belly packs, and hopped on a bus to head back to Alan's neck of the woods. We went on a shopping spree in China town (hey, I needed new purple sunglasses, I sat on my other ones) and enjoyed 3 ice creams- one for every meal. We got back after witnessing a fight on a bus that was caused due to the driver almost crashing into another colectivo and headed to a cafe. After 7 Nirvana songs, we headed out to Baranco to hit up the night life. (My black lung is better now) and had some nice cervezas while at a rather posh bar that was overlooking the beach. We ran into a bunch of guys from our hostel and made it back home around 3am. Ashley found a naked Swede on her bed and a giant wet spot. Classic.

Fen 20- Headed back to Pifo tonight!!!!! it's a hell of a town!! :)

Te vas, te vas, te vas!!

Feb 2- We started off the day with the Californians and some banana pancakes. Shortly thereafter, we decided it was time to reinvest in a couple of bottles of Peruvian ron. What can I say, we were on a roll. (Hahahaha Robin, remember that shirt we saw in Hawaii with that slice of butter standing on a roll that said, "I'm on a roll" hahahahaha?!!) Anywho, we ended up going to the floating reed islands of Lake Titikaka that day. These Aymara people literally pick grass, weave it together, and live on these giant mats that float on the lake. It is crazy. And awesome. Click this if you want to learn more. (I am so Wikipedia....) So, we hung out on the floating reeds for a while and drank a nice Peruvian beer and had some delicious choclo. These islands have everything, even a discotec. We rode on the roof of the boat on the way back, but it started to hale, so we had to go with Plan B and "make a run for it" inside. We played more Jenga that night and got the tower up to 39 stacks. Impressive. Ash hit the hay early that night, but I wasn't quite ready for slumber, so I headed out to a couple of discotecs with the Californians and got sprayed with beer multiple times. Although my hips don't lie, they were surrounded by campo shufflers and I just haven't quite mastered that step yet, so my moves were kept to a minimum. Plus, my wingman was fast asleep, so we couldn't do our dance routine

Feb 3- We went out to breakfast with the Californians again. This was the absolute most awkward dining experience I have ever had. The boys got their food and paid for it before we even got our coffee. Then, when we did get our food, the "omelette" (which was written in English and had a picture of an omelette next to it) was actually a steak. Since we are both vegetarians, we obviously didn't want steak for breakfast. So, we just asked politely for an egg instead. We got one egg on a plate. It looked like a lump of something that a llama spit out. Then, we asked for bread to go with it. We got a cold slice of non-toasted Wonderbread. Then, when we tried to pay, they told us that our money was counterfeit. It wasn't. Geez Louise. Now, as you all know, I am the world's best customer, as I have worked in many a restaurants and I know how it is, but seriously, this was a little much. I had to contain my insanity laughter until we got outside. So, we got the hell out of there and ended up going to see the "Puma," which is a giant puma on top of a mountain. The mirador overlooks the entire city of Puno and Lake Titikaka. It was gorgeous. We played ball with a bunch of Peruvian jovenes and then found a colectivo to take us back down again. Ashley somehow convinced the driver to let her man the vehicle the entire way down the cliff-lined road. Needless to say, I was scared for my life for various reasons. And many a people waiting for a ride down opted to wait for the next colectivo. Luckily we made it down the mountain alive and got dropped off at the carnival near the lake. We played some games and I won a small plastic car which I gave to a small Peruvian boy who was quite excited about the whole situation. We took a mototaxi back and somehow Ashley almost flipped hers. What a spectacle that was. The only minor roblem that I had with mine is that I had to get out and help the man manually lift the damn thing over the train tracks. No big deal. We went back to the Jenga place and had another tournament. Don't ask. Ashley went missing for a while, but she was just Skyping her parents, so that was a relief. I didn't particularly feel like scouring the black market for her missing kidney and then having to explain to the Peruvian mafia that it wasn't worth anything.

Feb 4- Off to Bolivia!! What a day. We hopped on the bus and after many hours of beautiful landscapes and bumping reggaeton songs, we finally reached the border. Well, apparently Bolivians hate Americans. This was made quite clear to us. We were the only 2 on the bus that had to get a visa (the embassy in Peru told us to do it at the border as it was much easier.... thanks a lot embassy....) First we couldn't cross due to Ashley's new passport and her missing entry stamp. Illegal bribe number one. Then I didn't have a copy of my yellow fever vaccination. Illegal bribe number two. Then we didn't have an Andean Immigration Card. Illegal bribe number 3. Half and hour and numerous bribes later, the bus driver started screaming at us that we were taking too long and that he was going to leave without us. He was screaming about how stupid Americans are and what horrible problems we create in the world. (Before we got on the bus, he knew we were Americanas and that we had to get visas and he knew how long it would take....) Due to the fact that we were being left in the middle of nowhere on the Bolivian frontier, we had no time to argue with the border police about how illegal and unfair their bribes were and how it was just not ok in general. It wouldn't surprise me in the least bit if they have a system going there. So, instead arguing about bribes, I had to argue with the bus driver and explain that there was no way in hell he was going to leave us there and it really wasn't our fault we were born in America, or that the border police wanted to keep us there for hours in order to milk as much money as possible out of us. (Like we have money.) So, regardless of the fact that we were playing by their rules, as we were signing the paperwork (that we didn't even have to fill out, they just made us sign a blank paper) for the visa, the bus driver started to drive away. We grabbed our passports and said goodbye to the bastard Bolivian police and ran after the bus screaming. This is hard to do at 5,000 meters above sea level. He finally stopped (he had our bags too) and we jumped on the bus, a little more than fed up and out of breath. Everyone clapped for us, but I am pretty sure we also got some death glares. Ashley got revenge as she dropped a banana peel on the bus in hopes that the driver would slip..... We finally got to Copacabana and found a hostel to set up camp in. We ate at a restaurant with a slanted floor and thought it was weird, until it started raining and water leaked through the roof and slid down the floor and out the door. Then it all made sense. It hailed as well, but at least we had ice for our warm Bolivian beer.

Feb 5-We woke up at a reasonable hour, about 9:30 or so, in order to enjoy the complimentary breakfast that was included in our hostel. Well, apparently it was really an hour later because we had crossed a time zone that we didn´t know about and we missed breakfast because it was actually 10;30. Damn. So, we found a new hostel and that is when we met the Argentinians. We immediately bought a bottle of Singani and then all headed down to the beach in order to rent a ducky boat to paddle around Lake Titikaka. Everyone jumped in the water except for me, as it was about 1 degree. I was just about to commandeer a giant dragon-shaped boat made out of reeds when Ashley climbed out of the water and went blind. That was scary. We paddled back to shore and she passed out a few times on the beach. Old women kept force feeding her sugar. I ran up the hill and forced this guy with a car to come pick her up and take her back to the hostel. She couldn't stop shivering. I think the combo of no oxygen, too much Singani, cold water, and not enough food and water shocked her system into badness. Once she recovered, the Argentinians tried to teach us how to play an Argentinian card game called "Truca." I am pretty sure we cheated because it made no sense. We switched to a game called "Chancho," which was much easier, but I am pretty sure it was aimed at a 3 year old level. We went out to dinner that night at a local restaurant and Ashley found a chicken foot in her soup. Classic. We hit the hay rather early due to the day's excitement and fell asleep making shadow puppets of dinosaurs and alligators. Why are reptiles always the easiest to do?

Feb 6- We woke up early that day to head to La Isla Del Sol. We left with the Aregentinians, but somehow lost Mariano in the mix. Hmm? The 2 hour boat ride was rather bumpy, but the scenery was quite nice. And none of us threw up in a bag, so that was a plus. We got to the island and found that Mariano had gotten on the other boat, so that was good news. We then set off on a "4 hour hike," which turned out to be an all day hike, because we stopped about 87 times. (At such an elevation, it was rather necessary, plus we had to take many pics.) The views were amazing. The landscape changed so many times, it was unbelieveable. I had no idea that I wanted to go to Isla del sol, but apparently I did becuase it is now one of my favorite paces on earth. So gorgeous. We stopped at some ancient ruins along the way and took a nap there. We found Frederico and Luli, who have apparently been missing, and then made our way to the beach. We set up camp (the Argentinians had a tent) among numerous pigs, donkeys, and more Argentinians (there were quite a lot). We found some snacks and snuggled up to sleep rather early as the day was exhausting.

Feb 7- I woke up to baby pigs trying to get into the tent. Not kidding. This is not the first time that has happened to me in South America and I am sure it won't be the last. The sun was bright and hot that day, so I hid under my hat and sunglasses like an old lady. I made friends with many a small Bolivian children who like to make sandcastles and ask for candy. I met some really cool old people from Cochabamba who invited us to stay with them. I wish I had time to go there, as it sounds like an amazing place. Next time. At one point, a small baby fell and started screaming bloody murder, so I picked it up in order to help. It screamed for like an hour, and I couldn't take it anymore. I think I do better with turtles. Thank God Luli got him to stop. We found some boxed wine and watched the stars come out. There was absolutely no light pollution, so we could see every constellation and every detail of the Milky Way. It was beautiful. Shooting stars aplenty. It was freezing cold at night, the complete opposite of the burning hot day. We fell alseep in a real pile to the sound of the Argentinians making fun of the way we say "mango."

Feb 8- Woke up to pigs again, but these ones were bigger. I couldn't find my shoes anywhere. Some Bolivian child stole them in the night. Since we had left our packs in Copacabana, I had no spare pair, so needless to say, I spent the rest of our time on the island with no shoes. Then, after that realization, I had a mango in hand and a pig came up to me and snatched it right from my grasp. He was rather aggressive and I couldn't get it back without putting my life in danger, so the bastard got away with it. Down a pair of shoes and a mango, but up an Argentinian, so it all evened out in the end. We went on a couple of walks and saw some rather impressive waterfalls and yellow birds as well as great views of the lake. The Argentinans gave me their shoes to wear, so that was nice. I spent the afternoon protecting the rest of the mangoes from the pigs and eating many bananas. We had run out of Bolivianos and Ashley tried to sell my kidney for wine and chocolate, but there were no takers. Our Argentinian friends crafted up some kind of stove in the sand out of rocks and cans and rubbing alcohol and made us some fideo with a touch of sand for dinner, so that was cool. I accidentaly chugged a bottle of Bolivian tap water, and I am still alive, so that is good news. I must have a lot of bugs in my system. There were crazy thunderstorms that night, and some rather impressive lighting.

Feb 9- We left "the island" early that morning (I am pretty sure that the polar bears and black smoke were about to come out) and said goodbye to our Argentinian friends. We hopped off the boat, got our stuff, and then hopped onto a bus. At some point in there I finally put on some shoes. That is when my eye started to hurt. The island was sandy and windy and I am pretty sure I got sand in my contact lens. My eye hurt the whole way to La Paz. Once in La Paz (4 hours later), we got a bus directly to Uyuni and spent another night on the bus (11 hours). My eye got worse and I had to fashion a patch out of pink toilet paper and a purple headband. Stylish, but not fit for comfort. The ride was bumpy and my seat was broken. Not my best bus ride. When I woke up in Uyuni, my eye was swollen shut. Awesome.

Feb 10-As soon as we got in to Uyuni, we booked a hsotel and headed straight for the pharmacy. Luckily we found one and the guy gave me some eye drops and my eye felt better immediately. Unfortunately, the entire town was out of electricity, so we walked around to explore but nothing was open or fucntioning and there was no ice cream to be found anywhere. We ended up finding some boxed wine and making top-o-ramen and eating it with my switchblade. Your classic Ashley and Margaret afternoon. Ashley confessed, and I quote, "Marg, the moment I saw you, I knew I would spend the rest of my life with you." So, that takes care of that. That evening the electricity came back on and the town came alive. Carnival was in the air and we got chased by small Bolivian boys with water guns. We spilled some wine. We found a tour operator to talk to about gong to the salt flats and arranged to leave the following day. My eye was good as new by the end of the day. Nice work Bolivian eye drops. We got some pizza and called it a night.....

Feb 11- We woke up bright and early to make it to the tour place on time. But, half an hour later their door was still locked and I was nervous. I don't know why, because lets face it, we were in Bolivia, and so of course they showed up an hour later. Classic Bolivia. We met our group and immediately knew that everyone in it was awesome. The group consisted of two Spaniards named Roberto and Sebas, one American living in Uruguay named Braden, and two Bolivians, Gonzalo the driver and Maribel the cook. And lets just say the extra 14 dollars we spent to ensure that our driver was sober was well worth it becuase every other driver on the street was completely blacked out that morning. Scary. 5 minutes after we set off into the desert, we got our first flat tire. Classic Bolivia. Gonzalo, however, was quite the handyman and he changed it in a jiffy. Shortly thereafter, we ended up in the salt flats. Solar de Uyuni. I have never seen anything like this before. It was amazing. There was salt for miles and miles and a volcano that looked about a mile away, but was actually 200 km. There was no depth perception to be had there. And yes I had my glasses on. It had rained the night before, so everything looked like a giant mirror. It was so cool!!!! Click here to check it out if you have timne. There is really no way to describe how cool it was. We took a bunch of funny optical illusions pics, for example, in one it looks like I am standing on Ashley's shoulder. I will post them when I get home. I licked the ground and then we ate a gourmet meal at a table made of salt crystals. Then we piled back in the jeep and stopped at a train cemetary, which is just a bunch of old abandoned trains in the middle of the desert. Weird, but cool nonetheless. We then made our way to the hostel in the middle of a different part of the desert. We saw many vicuñas and alpacas and llamas roaming the wild and saw lots of lighting in the distance. I was slightly worried the the roof of the jeep would cave in at some point, but luckily it didn't!! We arrived at our destiniation around dusk and watched the sun set behind the distant volcanoes. We had another yummy meal and Team Awesome cracked open the wine and watched some shooting stars. We eventually snuck into the bonfire that was run by the other tour group... they were charging 1 boliviano (ok that is like 12 cents) for firewood, but we just waited until they were all drunk and then joined in.

Feb 12- We woke up at the hostel in the middle of the desert, ate some pancakes, and started the day. We journeyed through many terrains and viewed many alpacas, vicuñas, and crazy land formations. We saw the rocks that inspired Salvador Dali, we saw a red lake with white borax islands, we saw numerous volcanoes, we saw rocks shaped like condors and trees, and we saw teal lakes filled with flamingoes and we saw much, much more. The landscape changed so much and so fast, it was insane. It was all so beautiful too. Breathtaking really. Quite honestly, it was indescribable. Every view was mind blowing. I will post a link to pics when I get home and have time to load them. The food was amazing as well, we had gourmet vegetarian food, the best we have eaten in a long time. Much better than just a piece of bread and a banana a day. We ended the day in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by quicksand and swirling tornadoes of dust (scary). Team Awesome shared a room and we had some good times conversing and drinking tea until we decided it was time to switch to wine and then we had good times conversing and drinking vino. The power went out and we rehearsed limericks by candlelight and we had to keep telling the Chileans next to us to be quiet coyotes because some German chick was getting mad. Classic.

Feb 13- We woke up at about 4am to start our last day of the expedition. We avoided the quicksand and piled into the jeep and stopped at some geyers that are at nearly 5000 meters to watch the sunrise. It was damn cold out due to the fact that it was so early and we were at such a high elevation, but I was able to warm my feet up with the geysers. In fact, I accidentaly steam burned my foot. Sebass tried to sacrifice me to the volcano gods, but luckily he was unsuccessful. I don't think Mom would be happy if I turned out like Juanita the Ice Maiden. We then went to some hot springs, which was actually just a lake on a mountain that was hot. Awesome. Flamingoes seemed to like it there, which is so weird to me as I picture them living in the Caribbean and this landscape was nothing at all like the Caribbean. Our next stop was Laguna Verde, where was saw more flamingoes eating nothing but algae and more vicuñas eating nothing but lichen. I wanted to give them some shrimp and some grass, but they seemed quite content. The volcano in the background was gorgeous, an array of many colors. We then headed to the Chilean border. Ashley and I snuck across to take some pictures. Classic us. We had to say our goodbyes to Sebas and Roberto and Robin (honorary Team Awesome member from England) as they were headed on to the next country. Due to the fact that Americans now have to pay huge visa fees and work many a bribes to actually get the paperwork, we decided that going to Chile simply to take the bus back to Peru was silly, so we stayed in the jeep. It was quite sad, as we all grew quite close during our expedition. Then, Ash, Braden, Gonzalo, Maribel and I started the 10 hour drive back to Uyuni. We cracked open the last bottle of wine and finished off the Singani in order to spice up the road trip, and then we found a bunch of plastic dinosaurs in the gloverment, so after that discovery things just got crazy. We picked up a local in a small town during a bathroom break to bring him back to Uyuni with us, and made him hold the T-Rex the whole time. Obviously I took the brontosaurus. Maribel had another carnivore of some type. We got back to Uyuni at about 5 pm and realized that carnaval had started. So Ash, Braden, and I picked up a few boxes of wine for 9 bolivianos (a little more than a dollar) and joined in the festivities. We started off watching the parade and getting sprayed by shaving cream and water. Then we ended up in the parade dancing the campo shuffle and then we ended up at the after party dancing with tons of little old indigenous women who gave us trigo and made us wear their hats. I have no idea how they had so much energy or how they got so low. I was out of breath after 5 minutes at this elevation. But that didn't stop me. (Although my lungs hurt now.) Apparently we were quite entertaining.... the young locals all lined up to take pics of us with their cell phones. At some point in the night I ended up with a Fred Flinstone costume. We were fed free beer all night and it was awesome. The Bolivians had finally warmed up to us!! It may have been the wine talking, but all the same, I finally felt accepted into the country. The dance party was just insane and we were definitely the only gringos there; it was a blast!! We saw the loud Chileans again and Ashley stole their shoes. I had to step on Ashley's sleeping bag.

Feb 14- Happy Valentines Day!! We woke up, with confetti in our hair and streamers around our necks. We got our bus tickets out of Uyuni and then spent the day unsuccessfully avoiding shaving cream and water balloons. We ended up seeking shelter in a pizza place and watching a bit of the Olympics. (The Olympics, what else?) We said our sad goodbyes to our favorite Minnesotan and he may or may not have stolen Ashley's pepper shaker that she actually stole from a pizza place. Hahahaha just kidding Braden. We miss you!! We hopped on the bus and spent the next 11 hours making our way to La Paz.

Feb 15- We arrived in La Paz at about 5:30 am. Nothing was open when we got there, so I blogged a bit in the bus station internet cafe, which was surprisingly cheap. Nice. Ashley nursed her swollen eye (if its not one thing its another around here) and we eventually got our tickets to Lima. We spent a few hours exlporing La Paz and all it had to offer. We were chased by small boys with shaving cream for the 87th time and peroused a market full of llama fetuses. We ate some delicious street food, although I couldn't tell you what it consisted of, and then made our way back through the parades to the bus station. They tried to detain us at the border once again, but at least this time we didn't have to pay multiple bribes to be let across. The Peruvian officials are much kinder towards American tourists than the Bolivian ones.... The rest of the day was made up of many J-lo classics, including the one they filmed in Gig Harbor, oh the memories of sneaking out of school to catch a glimpse.

Feb 16- 26 hours later, we made it to Lima. The bus ride was rather uneventful. More J-Lo and more bananas. We got to Lima around 5pm last night and made our way to the ever faithful Wiracocha hostel. It misses you Cath. So does Alan. We are supposed to meet up with Ashley's friend Dill Pickle, but we don't know where he is, so after taking a shower for the first time in who knows how long, we went to everyones favorite Plaza de Armas and starting screaming his name. We didn't find him that way and so we went to Plan B and went to the grocery store to get ice cream and wine. Classic us. We met a guy last night that promised us free ceviche, so we will see if that holds true. Just blogging away now, advancing my carpel tunnel and trying not to cough. (Those deserts in Bolivia gave us the black lung.) Cheerio.

Wow what a typing run. My hand hurts now.

And we're back....

well well, where do I begin?? I last left off on January 23, 2010.....

Jan 22- my last solo day in Lima. I may or may not have gone to see that movie about the toothfairy starring The Rock, but you can't prove it. I met a Peruvian English student who asked me why I wasn't fat if I was from the United States. I told him that it was my vodka diet, and that everyone else in the States is, indeed at least 600 pounds. I ate some ceviche that afternoon seeing as how I was headed for the mountains, and let's face it, eating ceviche in the Peruvian mountains isn't exactly one of the best ideas a person could ever have. I called mom and dad that night to assure them that I was alive and we had a wonderful chat, and then I headed to the bus station to make my way to Arequipa.

Jan 23- I woke up that morning on the bus to Arequipa to the wonderful 2009 flick "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs." We also had the pleasure of playing Cruz Del Sur bingo, and the lady next to me won!! Sacanagem!! I was so close!! If Cath had been sitting there, we would have had a free bus ticket. Blast!! I really wanted that blue ribbon. Anywho, I arrived in Arequipa and just as we were pulling into town, I saw an Andean condor!! No joke!! It was really cool and really big. I spent the afternoon exlporing the town a bit. I had a nice lucuma, mango, and maracuya smoothie, which was quite delightful. I went to the Santuarios Andinos UCSM Museum to see Juanita the Ice Maiden, and that was pretty cool. She was found on top of the volcano Ampato, when the glaciers started to retreat back in 1995. She was an Incan sacrifice to the volcano gods and has been frozen in perfect condition for over 500 years. Really cool, you should read this link if you are bored. Another interesting fact about Arequipa is that they have an unnatural amount pigeons. This flock was about 8,000 times bigger than the one that was listening to reggaeton outside our hostel in Lima. That is a lot of pigeons. I headed to Cusco that night.

Jan 24- I arrived in Cusco extremely early that morning and it was FREEZING!!!!!! It was POURING down rain and I was soaked the instant I stepped outside. Little did I know at the time what was about to come. I ran to the nearest hostel in order to escape the weather, and then spent the rest of the day trying to track down Ashley via Internet and wandering around La Plaza de Armas. Around 4pm, there was a break in the weather, so I sat on a bench and started drawing the church, hoping Ashley would find me there. And she did!! Horray!! Reunited at last!! We went back to a coffee shop where 4 of her friends from her recent travels were waiting. They were all pretty cool, and we just kind of hung out there for a while to avoid the torrential downpours. That is about when I realized that the rains in Cusco were out of control. We went out in search of a hostel for the group, and it was raining sooo hard, I was a drowned rat. We were wading in water through the streets and I am fairly sure that 95% of the water was raw sewage, mostly because I saw raw sewage spewing out of the drains.... It was gross. And wet. And cold. 8 hours later, we found a suitable hostel for everyone, and I gathered up my stuff from the one I had taken shelter in earlier, and with the help of a rather persuasive Frenchman, was able to ditch that place and move in with the rest of htem. 98 more gallons of rain on my head and 6 feet of sewage later, we went to a restaurant where you sit on pillows on the floor and eat veggie food. We met a lot of other meditators there, and drank copious amounts of vino to celebrate our reunion. We also drew our top 7 favorite animals for everyone. Classic Ashley and Margaret. We had to shank the coke bottle full of wine that night because I had closed the lid too tight. Classic Margaret. And then it was so cold that night, we all slept in a real pile.

Jan 25- all my clothes were soaked in raw sewage, but luckily the hostel people had a laundry service, so happy day!! I had clean clothes in no time!! What a concept. They even had a drier. We mostly spent that day meandering around, and taking care of business. We walked up 484 steps to Quenqo to see some ruins, which was cool, although I did slip in mud. But we were pretty high up a mountain, so I think the chances of it having been mud and not mud mixed with sewage were pretty good. I tried to Skype mom and dad that night, but of course every computer I ever try to use has something wrong with it, so it didn't really work. Blast. We went back to the restaurant from the night before and shared some more good veggie food. We contemplated going out on the town, but the rain was relentless and we were soaked and cold again. So, we went to bed early and Ashley almost burned down the room with her sandalwood.

Jan 26- we ate a delicious breakfast with sauco jam and I saw a spider catch a fly and eat it right next to me. Apparently it wasn't satisfied with the sauco jam and it wanted some protein in its belly. Ashley got her passport that day!!! Whoohooo!! We walked around many markets, eating choclo con queso and popcorn. We got some rather snazzy Andean women leg warmers too. Warm and fashionable. The rain was still in full force, but we still hadn't heard much about the affects they were having on the campesinos at that point. Everyone went out to Indian food, but I didn't really feel all that good, so I went back home to sleep. Damn my post nasal drip and its direct correlation with the weather.

Jan 27- I woke up feeling much better, and there was a break in the rain that morning. Oh happy day. Ash and I left the hostel and accidentally met The Prophets of the Bible of Cannibus. They only wear white and they make vegetarian sandwiches and sell them in La Plaza de San Blas. They are from everywhere and nowhere. It was right after we met the prophets that we were informed about the devstation that the rains were causing in the campesinos. The flooding had reached the point of natural distaster and Cusco was declared to be in a state of emergency. People were dying and 1000s had lost their homes, their crops, their animals, everything. We went to La pLaza Mayor and ran into Guido, one of the guys from Ashleys meditation retreat. He was going to help lead a relief effort, and of course we wanted to help. So, we canceled our plans to go to Bolivia that night and jumped right in. We spent 8 hours that day collecting food, clothing, medicine, blankets, etc. and organzing it. Ashley and I kind of took over the shoe station, and organized all the pairs for the victems. We worked until about 10 or 11pm and even missed our salsa date for the sake of humanity.

Jan 28- We woke up at about 7am to go back and help. We found one of the Swedes that we met during the collection from the night before passed out in the pile of clothes.... he must have had a rough night after we left the shoe station.... We collected and sorted for about 3 hours, and then we were appointed by the officials to do medical reporting and environmental anaylisis in order to assess the immediate needs of the victems in the surrounding villages of the Sacred Valley. So, we hopped in a van with 2 Argentinians, a Spaniard, and 2 Peruvians, and made our way to Urubama, about an hour away. Wer visited about 5 communities between Urubamba and Ollantaytambo, and never in my life have I seen to much devastation with my own two eyes. It was horrible. Thousands of people were living in makeshift tents because their mud brick houses had just completely disintegrated in the floods. They had absolutely nothing. We distributed 1000s of gallons of water to these people, believe me, I had to count them, and they were so grateful, it felt good to help. I got many hugs. It is hard to put into words really. We ended up bringing many of the donations to the city center in Urubamba, for the people to distribute among themselves, and then we ended up back in Cusco around 7pm. During this time, we met Edgard, a University professor\archaeologist\guide\National Geographic photographer that was one of the people in charge of the relief oeffort. Grateful for our help, he offered us a place to stay and we gladly accepted. Our "A Team" went out for pizza and beer that night and had a good time relaxing after such a traumatizing day. Ash and I ended the night in bunk beds lined with alpaca and feather pillows. So nice.

Jan 29- The next day, Edgard made us lomo saltado, a traditional Peruvian meal, and gave us a Peruvian history lesson, which was extremely interesting. The relief effort was starting to dwindle after only such a short time because the government officials were trying to take control of something that the community ahd been running and everything fell apart. Needless to say, we did what we could, but short of buying our own helicopter and winning the lottery, without the community support of transportatoin and manpower, there was not much else we could do that day. Things were unraveling and it was frustrating because we wanted to do so much more. That night, Edgard and his nephew Yuri took us out salsa dancing. 76 cuba libres later, they went home while Ashley and I took on a Cusco discoteq by storm at about 4am. We accidently started a mosh pit and I was accused repeatedly of being Argentinian, Venezuelan, Chilean, Colombian, and Brasilian due to my hot Shakira latin dance moves. Note to self- starting moshpit at 3500 meters is hard on the lungs. There was a she wolf in my closet. I let it out so it could breathe. We went home at about 7am and Ashley honked the horn the entire way. Classic Ashley.

Jan 30- We decided to leave Cusco that night as there was nothing else the two of us could do to help the campesinos anymore. Frustrating, but cest la vie I guess. We spent the day hanging out with Edgard, and getting an inside tour of Cusco. Due to the fact that he knows everybody and is a rather repsected figure around town, we got into a bunch of places for free. We went to an underground museum and saw some Incan ruins and mummies, and saw a tradtional dance show which was pretty cool. We left that night for Puno. And had a few people waiting at the bus station in tuxedos to say bye to us. It was still raining.

Jan 31- We arrived in Puno at about 5am. We lucked out and found a cheap hostel that was really nice near the Plaza De Armas. There were drunk people on the street singing and dancing, so we knew we came to the right place. Carnival time has come. We took a nap, and then headed out. Every single person in town was wearing bright traditonal clohting and playing muscial instruments and dancing. It was crazy. Every street had a parade on it. We went to the futbol stadium and drank some beer and ate cotton candy while watching the dancing in the middle and Ashley sat on a tuna. Then wandered around and Ashley found a cheese grater. Classic Ashley. We got some papas fritas on the street and what they claimed was ketchup was clearly olive juice. Classic Peru. We made our way to get a view of the lake, and it was gorgeous. Lake Titkaka really is big. We headed back to the stadium and were let right in as the people at the door said, "Of course we remember you, you guys are the only two white people in this whole town...." So apparently we had arleady made our mark. The party didn't stop. Ever. Even when it started thundering and lightning at 10pm. We were tired from a long week of trauma and a long day of Brahma, so we hit the sack rather early.

Feb 1- We spent most of the day wandering around, exploring the town of Puno. We went to the Internet, which incidently just made us want to drink rum, so we went to the store and bought some. We then proceeded to drink in the square and watched more and more festivities. We went out to a pizza place that night and met some Californians. We played jenga well into the night.

I know you are all wondering.....

Was the banana ok?

Yes, it was still nice and yellow and had its firmness about it and I was able to fully enjoy it this morning. It was quite delicious, and an overall great banana experience. So no worries there.

And last night- instead of facing a group of key-stealing Germans, I was pleasantly surprised by the appearance of a very sweet Chilean guy who sang me to sleep with the help of his guitar and his melodic ballads of Valparaiso. I think it might be lovely to fall into slumber that way every night. Such sweet dreams.

And no, he was not wearing pants that zip into shorts. Just the classic 3 foot long dreadlocked ducktail.

Ok, so anyways, the strike is off!! Headed to Arequipa tonight!! Was planning on going straight through to Puno, a village on the shores of Lake Titicaca, but just got word from Ashley that she will have to stay in Cusco until her passport arrives. I thought about smuggling her across, but I suppose the last thing I need right now is a stay in a Bolivian prison because I was caught human trafficking. So, I might go from Arequipa to Cusco to meet up with her, then we will head to Lake Titicaca together when the passport comes through.

We will see where the wind takes me.

Godspeed.

Tatuaje!!!!! Tatuaje!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, if I hear that word one more time I am going to throwing star someone in the eye.

Still stuck in Lima. Still hate tattoo sailsmen.

And I don't fully understand why these people feel the need to try to convince me to get a tattoo.
96 tattoo sailsmen.
Every 2 feet.
Yelling "tatuaje!!!" 87 times a second.
Really? (By the way, Cath says "really?" in a really cute way. I suggest that you call her and ask her to say it to you.) I may have just turned a complete 180 and will now never, ever get a tattoo just to spite tattoo sailsmen everywhere. And I was just about to ink my entire right leg. Too bad for them.

So, the night that Cath left was the 19th. I stayed in a hostel with a couple of rather bossy and unfriendly German people that took over all 4 beds in the room while I was gone.... so when I got back and they were nowhere to be seen, I didn't really know where to sleep.... I had no other choice than to just pick a bed and roll my sleeping bag out on it (because who knows what kind of weird stuff the Germans did to it) in order to go to sleep. Luckily they didn't attack me in the night.

Yesterday was the 20th. I talked with the lady that sold me my Cruz Del Sur bus ticket only to discover that the buses were still on strike and I would have to stay in Lima another day. Ok.

So, I went to a cafe, had myself a tall beer, and wished that Cath was still with me to enjoy the crazy man running back and forth dressed up as Superman. He even had a curl plastered to his head. A 3 women band showed up with roses in their hair and stole the show from him. They were lovely. The waiter was not. He was probably from Paracas.

I then decided to go to the movies again because I have already been to every single museum, cathedral, plaza, federal building, monument, interesting neighborhood, market, and anything else that you could possibly want to see or do in Lima about 78 times. And the movies only costs the equivalent to $1.

So, I went to see "The Vampire's Assistant" in Spanish. It was pretty good, no "Twilight," but there was a girl with a monkey tail.

After my cinematic experience, I read my fantasy novel that I accidently boosted from the Nazca hostel on the cathedral steps until it got dark, and then retired to the German threshold.

When I reached the hostel, I heard the sound of many acoustic guitars being strummed upstairs, and I contemplated going up to check it out. But, then I decided that I probably would have had to be wearing those pants that unzip into shorts in order to have truly been accepted into the circle, so I decided to read my book instead.

Seriously. Lima. Please set me free.

This morning I woke up, went back to the bus lady and I could immediately tell by the look in her eye that she had no good news for me. And sure enough, she informed me that once again, the buses were not going anywhere. For the foreseeable future. Come on Alan!!!! Give in to their demands!!

So, I got another night at this damn hostel. And the stupid Germans took the only key with them this morning (you are supposed to leave it at the front desk) and so I have been locked out of the room for the past 12 hours. I had a banana in there that I really wanted to eat. It is probably brown now. I strongly dislike brown bananas.

After I realized at about 11am that I was locked out and couldn't eat my banana, I went to China Town for lunch. I ate some delicious noodle dish, and yes there was a hair in it. Always is. But, even luckier than that is the fact that I found another store in the China district with my coveted Aladdin pants, and seeing as how I had nothing else to do, I bought them. They may or may not be gold and maroon. Go ASU. Sundevils rule and "one bag of other stuff" drools.

Now, I hardly want to admit what I am about to write, but seeing as how this blog is meant to inform the family of my whereabouts, I had better not lie. I mean, what if the power goes out again (it went out today, I am getting there) and I can't email my mom and she has to call the Embassy? (It is on her speed dial.) I had better keep the facts straight.

...... I went to the movies again. In my defense, it is only a dollar, and this one was even in English. And I really like movies. And seriously, I have done everything there is to do in this city except hit up the casinos, which I think is a wise decision. And I can't deal with a Peruvian love affair right now. And I sure as hell am not hanging out with the Germans. And Alan is too busy to see me. And I promised Cath I wouldn't go to the other side of the bridge. And no, I do not want a tattoo, thank you very much. That about sums it up. I literally have no way of leaving this town short of highjacking a plane. And I don't really remember how to drive one of those. So....

It was "Ninja Assassin." But, as soon as the previews were over, the movie stopped working. After 45 minutes of just sitting there in the dark twiddling our thumbs and listening to this one guy's cell phone play the "Night at the Roxbury" soundtrack, we were finally told that the power had gone out in Lima and that we would just have to come back later when it was on again. Ok.

So, I went and got a dipped cone and found a bead store.

I proceeded to go craft in La Plaza de San Martin. Like I always say, "When in doubt- craft."

I took a stroll down our dear old favorite street after I was done with my beading session and I noticed that the lights were back on, so I ducked back into my new favorite hangout and got some popcorn and settled into a blood bath of swords attached to metal chains and bamboo whips.

I am glad that I was not kidnapped as a small child and forced to become a member of the 9th Clan, but I also kind of wish I had a throwing star and the ability to hide in the shadows. At least then the Germans might think twice before taking the stupid room key with them. I really wanted that banana. (I really wanted that blue ribbon.)

I have low hopes for escaping this town tomorrow, but at least I have a lot of beads. And I guess I can eat that banana tomorrow. If I can ever get into the room again that is. Germans 4, Margaret 0.

Here's hoping.

As Cath was leaving for her flight to Quito she slips me her switchblade and tells me not to be afraid to shank a few people. What a great sister!

Well, sadly Cath and I had to part ways just a short while ago. She is heading back up to Quito for another week with the fam, and then must be on her way home. So here I sit alone in Lima, missing my little sister, and I am not quite ready to face the outside world of solicitors without her, so I have decided to catch up on my blog. I apologize for keeping you all in flux, as I am sure you have probably been holding your breath for the last two weeks, but life on the road is a busy one, and although I must find the Internet each day in order to tell my mom and dad that I am still alive, there is not always adequate time for blogging. I can't promise this will be well written, as I am just going to shoot it out as fast as possible. Here goes nothing.....


We first arrived in Lima, Peru on January 5th. At that point, we didn't really know what was going on, because unfortunately my dear friend Ashley was robbed by enemies of the Peruvian mafia, so she was unable to meet us as previously planned.


We first headed to La Plaza Mayor, also known as La Plaza de Armas, to find the Internet and try to contact Ash. The plaza was quite a spectacular sight. One side of the plaza is lined by to try a huge cathedral, and one side is lined by President Alan Garcia Perez's "white house." After doing what we could at the net, we listened to Alan's personal minstrels and made our way down to La Plaza de San Martin, where we enjoyed a nice 3 foot tall cerveza in an outside cafe. We saw the "Bear Hat Man" again, who is simply a crazy man wearing a bear hat that we had seen earlier that day near the airport.

We then found a nice free Museum of Archeology near the main plaza. It was pretty cool, and had lots of really neat artifacts as well as paintings. There was a huge vault with a door that was probably 3 feet thick that I tried to open, but after receiving a weird look from the guard, I gave up and went on my way. After we left, I looked up at the sign only to realize that the museum was in the National Federal Reserve and I had accidently tried to break into the safe that holds all of Peru's wealth. Woops. We saw "Bear Hat Man" again.


We tried to couchsurf that night here in Lima, but it turns out that couchsuring in Peru is a bit like trying to sing a Whitney Houston song- no matter how hard you try, it just isn't going to work. After getting wrong directions from 78 different people to La Plaza de Bolivar (where we were supposed to meet this guy) we finally found it. We waited for at least an hour. However, it just so happened that we were sitting in front of the Peruvian Congress building, so the National Police with their giant Harry Potter dogs had to ask us to move as we were showing up on the surveilance tapes and looked somewhat suspicious. Needless to say, the guy never showed up, so we then asked the National Police (the very ones that thought we were terrorizing the Congress) where a cheap hostel was, and we found our dear Wiracocha. The man behind the desk saw that we had the same last name and instead of assuming that we were sisters, he thought we were married because we wanted to share a double bed. Ok.

The next day, we woke up to the sound of 8,000 pigeons squawking in our window sill. Apparently they were having a full out war with not only the local vultures, but a group of construction men that were blaring reggaeton as loud as they possibly could. I also had a spider bite on my eyelid. We then spent more time trying to contact Ashley, so that we could try to meet up with her or at least help her in some way, shape, or form. After contacting her via the ever-reliable facebook, she informed me that unfortunately, she wasn't probably going to be able to make the Machu Picchu trip, because she had to first sort things out with Peruvian Mafia and deal with her stolen passport before her up-coming meditation retreat. I then just handed over the Machu Picchu planning to Cath, who had been waiting for Ashley to get to Lima in order to try to convince the both of us to fly to Cusco becuase she had a bad premonition about us sliding down a tall mountain in a rickety bus.


So, we changed our plans. We decided to fly to Cusco the last week of Cath's time in Peru, and to explore other parts of the country before then. We wanted to wait in Lima one more day just in case Ashley could make it down, so we set out to explore the town a bit more. I had some delicious choclo con queso, which I thought would be like the shucked corn with cheese sauce that Esmil makes, but it was more like a giant ear of corn with a slice of white cheese. Odd, but delicious nonetheless. Then, we saw "Bear Hat Man" once again, and this time he pointed at his own eyes and then at us, like he was giving us a warning. I think he was sick of seeing "Gringa Hat Girls."

We continued on to the huge Lima market, which we assumed would be the artisano kind, but ended up being a market full of scary dead things. I saw dead birds that must have been akin to ostriches, hanging upside down with their bloody heads dripping into plastic bags, huge chunks of skin hanging from hooks, live cuys, baby pigs with no eyes, and large black plastic bags that I can only assume were for the disposal of dead bodies. They also had large star cookie cutters, but I am not quite sure what those were for. Large star cookies I guess. We made a run for it.

We luckily found another mercado, where I got some rather cute llama earrings and then we hit the jackpot with China town, where I found some of my coveted Aladdin pants. We had some leche asada that afternoon, which was actually quite a bit like flan. Much better than the carmel custard from 1993. Cath got pooped on by a pinche pigeon, big surprise there, and then we both decided that we had better become chickenaholics because the typical Peruvian food is basically some form of chicken and every other building is a polleria and we were feeling left out for being vegetarians.

We enjoyed President Alan's Christmas lights that night, as they covered every inch of his lawn and the surrounding square. It was brighter than Las Vegas. The guy upstairs at the hostel had a harmonica and he was worse than the pigeons.


Jan 7, day 3 we woke up to the sound of Alan's minstrels instead of the pigeons (different room) and they were great. We headed for the Cruz Del Sur station after a quick jaunt around town, and hopped on our double decker bus to Nazca. 8 hours, two J-Lo movies, and a ham sandwich later, we made it and Cath didn't even throw up! Alright Cath! We were harassed by a million people trying to sell us stuff when we arrived, but Cath decided to start getting sassy, so she told them all off and we successfully found our little hostel. We ate some noodles for dinner that night, while we watched a small Peruvian boy stack cats on top of each other.

The 8th was Cath's birtheday! Happy 23rd birthday Cath!! Oh, to be in your early 20s again. We went out for a café that morning, but then I knocked over the garbage can in the bathroom, so we had to flee the scene, as knocking over a garbage can in a Peruvian bathroom is nothing short of a complete disaster. We then took a 20 minute bus ride to the Mirador to look at the Nazca lines, and that was awesome. You can only see these huge ancient designs from the sky. Weird. We saw a few different ones, including the tree, the hands, and the tall alien guy. You have really got to wonder how the hell those aliens were able to constrct such large pieces of art in the desert thousands of years ago and why exactly they did it? One of the many mysteries of the world I suppose. We met a nice guy from Georgia who lives in Lima and had relatives visiting from Mexico, and he drove us back to Nazca, so Cath didn't have to worry about bus sickness on the way back, which was good, seeing as how it was her birthday and all.

We ate some pizza (Peruvians LOVE pizza) at a local restaurant for lunch, and witnessed another domestic dispute, which led to the embarassment of the owner, who then felt it necessary to give us free limeade. It was good.

We spent a bif of the afternoon the roof of our hostel, which was equipped with bougainvilla and hammocks, and did a little of Cath's favorite activity- SSR time (silent sustained reading). Later that day, we took a little stroll around town and noticed the "No Votar Basura" sign (my personal all time favorite South American quote) in the river that has basically almost dried up and been filled with garbage. Something needs to be done about that. People drink that water. And people also fill up water bottles with that water and then sell it to the likes of me. Not cool. It was disgusting. Poor Mother Earth. At least I took a picture for Ellen's "Ironic Sign" coffee table book.

We then went back to the main plaza and saw a protest in the streets. They were protesting civil construction rights and then one guy jumped in with some sign about anti-Chinese immigration, which I didn't really fully understand. I think he was confused and misguided. Our harmonica friend also seemed to be there, as I don't think there could possibly be two people in the world that play the harmonica that badly. He was probably friends with that guy protesting the Chinese. We watched the marching band and avoided tear gas this time, but the protest didn't last all that long as they only marched around 1/4 of the square before they got tired.

We went to the archeology museum, which was pretty cool. We saw many old artifacts and read lots more about the mysterious Nazca lines. Mostly that they are mysterious and stuff. We also passed by a high school graduation where they blared N'Sync's "It's Gonna Be Me" on repeat at 8 billion decibles. Interesting choice for a graduating song.

It is so very deserty in Nazca, more so than even Arizona. There is nothing but vast sand dunes, not even any cacti. I saw a very colorful nun there; she was wearing a habit and a very Shakira-y outfit, which was strange. I think that town of Nazca is a bit like the Bermuda triangle. We noticed that Nazca also still had Christmas lights up, and we couldn't help but notice that Peru is the opposite of Narnia. Here, it is always Christmas and never winter, but in Narnia it is always winter and never Christmas. Interesting.

We then enjoyed some Cusqueñas on the roof again and wrote many a poem before going out for a Chinese dinner. It was glorious. We decided that my cultural revolution might have something to do with spreading the Mexican custom of putting limes in beer. It is just a good idea. We drew pictures of javadonkeys and then I decided to add llamas to my list of favorite animals. It just felt right.

We had such a good time on Cath's birthday, that I have decided to celebrate my half birthday, as I didn't really have a real birthday this past year, and for the past 4 months I still thought I was 24. March 8th for those of you who are interested. It will be fun and it will involve copious amounts of margaritas and sequins.


On Jan the 9th, Cath lost the hand sanitizer. She blames me, but I swear I stuck it in her bag. It was a hard thing for us to deal with because if you know us, and I think you do, then you know that we are both a little on the OCD side. Just be glad you weren't there. The sidewalk in Nazca had far too many holes in it, mom would not have approved of the danger, so we decided to leave for Paracas.


We arrived in Paracas after a 3 hour bus ride, and as soon as we got there, we met one of our "new best friends," who convinced us to stay in his hostel for a great deal. What we didn't know at the time, however, was that this guy automatically wanted to hang out every second of every day and be best friends with us for life.....

We took a stoll around this little beach town, and it was quite nice. We had some Cusqueña at a little bar on the beach and ate some french fries with ketchup that clearly was not made of tomatoes. We watched a goregous sunset, and then a long haired beach hippy showed us where to use the phone (some old ladies house) so I could call my dear friend Cori, who is getting married right after I get home!! Whoohooo congrats Wey!!!!!


We returned to the hostel only to find that we had been locked out. They only had one key and they had given it to the French Canadians, so after unsuccessfully trying to pry the door open with a knife, they pried part of the wall open and had a 2 year old girl crawl through the hole to unlock the door. Seriously. Then, a mosquito buzzed in my ear and bit my face 8 times in the night. The Canadians came back in the middle of the night and had to jump up on the top bunks like Jackie Chen because they had no laddders, and either a sick goat or something pretending to be a sick goat was crying til 4am to the tunes of "Gasolina" and the such. Needless to say, sleep was not an option that night.

The 10th of Jan we woke up early (well rather, we didnt really wake up, because we hadnt slept, so maybe I should say we just got out of bed) and went down to the docks to take an boat ride around Las Islas Bellestas. It was sooo awesome! We sat up front right next to the captain, and probably had the best seats in the house. Or should I say boat. We saw the candelabra, or the cactus (no one really knows what it is), but it is a huge design on the side of a big sandy island, a bit like a Nazca line, but this one you are able to see it from the ocean instead of the sky. It was 3 thousand years old, and awesome.

Then, we continued on to the islands, where we saw Humboldt penguins!! I have never seen a penguin in the wild before, and they were so cute!! We also saw many storks, I mean pelicans, fat boys aka sea lions, cormorants, yellow eyebrow brids, a plethora of seagulls, and quite a few Peruvian boobies. We also saw the absolute most guano that I have ever seen in my entire life. They harvest it for who knows what. Probably the juice drink with the "special ingredients" that I had that morning.

When we got back, we ate at a little cafe to the tune of Andean flute players and when they asked for money, I tried to give them the change in my pocket, and in they said "thank you, but its not enough." No joke. We saw the same fairy woman dancing in a Chilean drum circle that we had seen hours before and she was still dancing. I think she derived magical powers from the 3 foot long feather in her hair. We decided that she came to visit Paracas like 30 years ago and just never left. I dont blame her. I want a pirate feather for my own ear now, but I dont want to buy a parrot feather as it stands against everything I believe in. Damn. I will have to go to Michaels Craft Store when I get home and make one or something. After eating, we switched hostels and found another cheap honeymoon suite!! WhooohooOO!! We actually took showers for the first time in who knows how long and it was glorious.

We decided to head to the nearby town of Pisco for the afternoon in order to find fast Internet so that we could email our nervous wreck of a mother to let her know that were infact alive, and to find a bank, because although Paracas only accepts cash everywhere, they have not one ATM.

So, we hopped in a taxi to take the 20 minute ride over and our "new best friend" hopped in at the last minute, assuming that we would want to hang out with him for the day. Cath immediately almost shanked him. She resisted though, and so we went to plan B and tried to make a run for it and shake him at the Internet cafe, but that didnt work because he just decided to play online dragon games while we wrote emails, so finally after trying to explain that we did not really need a personal tour of the town and him not fully understanding, Cath just had to straight out diss him.

Now this was awkward because he is the Director of Fun of Paracas, and not only had we ditched his stupid hostel, but we then had to ditch him. And he is like one of 5 residents of the town. But hey, a person can only take so much.

Anyways, back to Pisco. It is home to the Pisco Sour, but tourism has dropped there during the past few years because it was leveled by that 2007 earthquake. There is still a lot of wreckage, and the old churches are completely crumbled gone. I was actually in the Peruvian jungle when that happened and I remember being worried about that Peruvian soldier who had just returned to Lima right when that was going on. Small world. Anywho, while we were there, we experieced an earthquake!!!! No joke! It was small, but still, a bit frightening since we knew the back story.

We explored the town a bit more, found 3 large mangos for the equivelent of a dollar, and then called mom and dad. After our nice chat with the parents, we went out for a pisco sour, because you can't rightly go to Pisco and not drink one. That would be silly.

We made it back to Paracas and found a pharmacy with hand sanitizer in it! Oh the joy!! Then, the hippie from the previous night tried to meet us again. As if he hadn't met us just 24 hours earlier. We decided he was crazy too and we had to ignore him.

We strolled through the markets and Cath found the cutest purse ever and we then drank a beer on the beach while watching the sunset turn from pink to orange. Classic. The hostel this time was much more comfortable, but also next to a billiard hall and so we still had our nightly dose of reggaeton and Aventura medleys. Due to the many hours I have spent on Ecuadorian buses, I rather enjoy reggaeton every now and again, but I cant say the same for Cath.


Jan 11- We woke up and I had even more bug bites on my face, I had somehow managed to sunburn my feet and my face, my nose was acting up as clearly I was allergic to something, so my head was swollen, and my ears were infected becuase of some earrings I had previously bought. What a pill. We decided to enhance the morning with the every curious olive sandwich that we had seen so many times on the breakfast menus. It just so happens that it is just what it sounds like- a piece of bread with olives in it. Weird.

We rented an umbrella on the beach and read our books next to the beautiful ocean. I accidently passed out due to the benedryl that I had taken, and so I was oblivious to the fact that at some point we had been invaded by sand flies. When I woke up, Cath was standing in the ocean reading because the flies were too much. The same hippie guy that had already met us twice came up and met us again. He asked us all the same exact questions that he did before. Clearly this person was the craziest of the crazy. We felt like Adam Sandler on "50 First Dates."

That afternoon, we ate some arroz de mariscos, and it even had espondylus in it! My favorite shellfish! The ones we made! Another beer and sunset combo made for many good pictures. We saw Beatrice and Cleo again (two huge rottwielers that live on the roof) and decided that maybe we had better cut Paracas one day short because all the crazy people were starting to make us nervous.


The 12th, after dodging the "best friend" and the "crazy person" for the 87th consecutive time, we decided that we had to leave. We got our bus tickets for that evening, packed our belongings and went to "Johnny and Jennifers" again for some desayuno. For the 46th time in a row, I found a hair in my food, and my huevo frito was scrambled. But, honestly, at that point, I dont think I would have had it any other way.

After we finished our morning ritual, we decided to walk to the Nature Reserve since we had some time to kill before boarding our bus, which various locals had assured us was a mere 10 minute walk. After passing various beachside mansions, a luxurious Double Tree Resort, and a beautiful road lined with bougainvilla, we stumbled upon yet another crazy man, who was quite disturbing and disgusting. Lets just say Cath and I both immediately unshanked our knives and got our game faces on. Luckily, we didnt have to slit anyones jugular, but we were more than ready to.

An hour later (not ten miuntues), we finally made it to the gate of the reserve and all we could see for miles was a vast desert of sand. There was also a sign claiming bird nesting ground, but I did not see any flamingoes. The sign also pointed out that the nearest landmark 6 km away, but the Cath the Waterbuffalo had exhausted our water supply, and the mirages had started to set in, so a 12km walk to see a rock in the desert seemed like a bad choice. Needless to say, for obvious reasons, we took a different route back. Through the favelas. Woops.

We ate a nice lunch of ceviche and beer that day, and had to avoid the usual suspects that had nothing better to do than wait around for a glimpse of a Novak. At lunch, Cath claimed that she had run out of things to talk about. I didn't really know what she meant by that at the time, so we decided to spice things up a bit and we each made a list of topics. Mine were as follows:

1. poisonous species of lizards
2. quantum physics
3. equatorial weather patterns
4. the Oregon Trail
5. guano
6. dragons
7. the death penalty
8. worst fears
9. 3 best firends
10. the Black Plague

Catherine's were:

1. Roe vs. Wade
2. Ms. Krueger from high school
3. The Babysitters Club
4. fhe fall of Rome
5. soil erosion
6. Jeanette from the Bellingham Yacht Club
7. Irish culture
8. Simon Bolivar
9. African diamond mines
10. Leo DiCaprio

Needless to say the converstion that ensued was quite intense. We then proceeded to notify mom that we are indeed still alive at the worlds slowest Internet cafe and then got our packs and headed for the bus staion.

We escaped that town by the skin of our teeth and if stalkers are anything like koalas (Uncle Matt thinks they are) then we were in Australia. We rode back to Lima and arrived that night after a series of Spanish movies and olive loaf debacles.

When we arrived to La Plaza Mayor, we realized that sometime while we were gone from, Alan had managed to take down all of his Christmas lights. We think Correa got mad that one forth of South America's energy was going to Alans reindeer games. It was a damn shame though, as those lights were quite gorgeous.


Jan 13- The water didnt work in the morning at the hostel, but luckily no piegeons. My pinche post nasal drip came back again, that blasted foe. We started out the day with a continental breakfast at our favorite cafe in La Plaza de San Martin and then we made our way through the crowded streets of Lima to the botanical gardens, where we saw many snails and smelled many roses. Beautiful.

After that, we ate a delicious and very economical lunch at a Chifa place where Cath proceeded to bring back "talk to the hand" to a rather persistant lady and also may or may not have gotten food poisoning. The restaurant did though, have a pleasantly surprising spicy wonton soup.

Next, Cath shanked 16 solicitors with her knife. Seriously, of all the countries that we have been to combined, both of us agree that Peru is by far the absolute worst when it comes to soliciting. You cannot walk outside for one second without 87 people trying to give you a tattoo, sell you a roll of toilet paper, or try to force feed you chicken. It is insane. We escaped the madness at yet another cafe and enjoyed some nice beers and Peruvian music videos. We also did some drawing. Maybe I will include the rather comical dibujos in the motion picture version of this blog.

We snuck into McDonalds to use the bathroom for the second time that day, where we were almost accosted by the security guard, but snuck out just in time. Best bathroom in Peru by far. Well done McDonalds. We were headed to Cusco the following morning, so we decided to spend the night in the airport. We spent our last minutes in Lima that evening in Alan's Plaza Mayor just as the XMas tree was being taken down, eating our classic olive sandies. Then, we picked up our stuff and took a rather epic taxi ride with a Tom Petty-loving man who wanted to be our friends on facbeook.

The night at the Lima airport was one of absolutely no sleep. Everything stayed open all night and people were running around like crazy til all hours of the night. They kept calling for Rrrrauuullll and what sounded like Simon Bolivar over the intercom until 4am. I think Rrrraaauuulll and Simon missed their flight. At least we got free pisco samples and chocolate covered coffee beans. We also illegally read the In-Touch at the gift shop.

Our flight out on the 14th was supposed to leave at 6am, but was delayed an hour, which was probably good, because Cath ended up getting sick from something, maybe fake water, or that spicy Peruvian Chinese food. The flight to Cusco was only and hour, which leads me to believe that the distance between the two cities is similar to the distance between Phoenix and LA (I guess I could look it up), but the drive is 3 times as long. Crazy man.

As soon as we got there, we tried to track down the couchsurfing guy that had promised us a place to stay, but he of course was at a farm or something, so that didnt pan out. Cath was sick and had to lay down, so we just got another hostel. Let me not forget to mention, however, the parrot that we met while waiting for that guy.

First, he jumped on my head, then he jumped on Cath and ate the button off of her favorite green sweater. This sweater has been around since the early 90s and its demise is now thanks to a Cusqueñan parrot. Classic. So, we took a long nap and and read some British trash mags that were left at the hostel and read about how Venezuela announced that the Miss Universe Pageant is to Venezuela as futbol is to Brasil- they have to win.


We spent the morning of the 15th looking through the little markets. People kept thinking we were Argentinian because of our water bottles. Apparently Aregentinians drink water too? Everytime we saw a dragon figurine, Cath insisted that dad would love it and I am not sure why. I think she lost some important fluid during her bout of food poisoning. I found many nice llama things, including a real live baby llama. They are so cute!! I want one, although apparently I am severly allergic to them as I have been sneezing ever since I petted that one.

We saw many beautiful churches, and wondered why a town needs so many churches, only to find out that they were built there to contain the indigenous people of Cusco 500 years ago. We then decided the churches werent so beautiful. We finally went out for some pizza (classic Peru) and the oven was broken (also classic Peru.)


The 16th we woke up really super early to take the train to Aguas Calientes. We sat across from a really cute old Irish (or English if you ask Cath) man, and enjoyed the scenery of a raging river of doom for 3 hours. We arrived, and were forced to wander through a maze of artisanos in order to get to town. The only street in town was literally straight up, so we were soon out of breath, but luckily one of the first ladies that we asked about a hostel only charged us a small amount to stay with her, and said there would be no trouble becuase only she and one other old woman were working there. She was so cute, so obviously we agreed and finally rested our weary bones.

We spent the remainder of the day exploring the town. It was very cute, with old buildings and it was right on the river. It also had a strange obsession with Mexican food and pizza. We were delighted to see Mexican food, so we found a nice restaurant that played 80s music and had couches to eat on, so that was pretty cool. The tortillas were more like crepes, but they had great margaritas.

After lunch, we took a break for SSR and then headed back out, only to realize that we had already seen the entire tiny town 8 times over, plus it was pouring down rain, so we went into a cafe and tried some Inca Punch, a mixture of coca tea, pisco, and hot milk. It was good, and reminded me of a hot totti. A nice rainy night drink. I ate far too many pieces of coca candy, and I say far too many because after a while, my tongue went numb. At least I didnt get altitude sickness. We went to sleep to the sound of an Andean band and when I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, somehow a cat snuck into our room. We discovered it meowing at the door at about 4am.


We woke up super early once again on the 17th in order to catch our bus up to Machu PIcchu. This place was simply spectacular. Amazing. Hard to put into words. We took the advice of the book that my mom had given me, and we started the day at the guardhosue. It was a good idea to do so, because we were able to take a side trip to the Incan bridge, which was nothing like I had ever seen before. I was literally a narrow path jutting along the edge of a sheer cliff, with a few logs in the middle that could be taken off like a drawbridge. It was amazing. I am so glad we got to see it because they only let 400 people a day take that hike, and tons more people showed up later. We explored this mystical place through the clouds, and experienced Huayna Picchu, the Temple of the Sun, the Staircase of Fountains, the 3 Windows, and everything else that I have read so much about. It rained off and on, and when it did, we hid under the eves of the ancient ruins of double doorways. We were even chased by a demonic alpaca. We had a great time and I am so glad we finally made it there. My life dream was realized and now I need another one. I am thinking Angor Wat.

We headed back to Aguas Calientes at the end of the day, ate some more pizza, and hopped back on the train to Cusco. We ran into our Irish friend for the 84th time, who was a rather delightful fellow. We contemplated coushsurfing again, but lets face it, it was a lost cause, so we found a cheap hostel. This room constisted of mattresses on the floor of a huge building with padlocks on the doors. The bathroom was down a dark alley above a discotec. Cath found a butcher knife between the sheet and the mattress, and then made me touch the handle so she wouldnt be the only one pursued if it turned out to be a murder weapon. Not kidding.


The next morning, the 18th, we headed back to the airport bright and early. We made it back to Lima and shared a cab with a French lady, and found another hostel (our old favorite pigeon hold was full). We then headed down our favorite street, and ran into "Bear Hat Man" again, although sadly he seems to have lost his bear hat.

We went to the outdoor cafe and I ordered something that can only be described as boiled potatoes in a smoky peanut butter sauce, accompanied by a slice of boiled egg and 2 greek olives. Believe me, I tried to like it. I even drank a 3 foot tall beer to wash it down, but it just wasnt happening. No offense to those of you that love papa huancaina, but it was the absolute grossest thing I have ever eaten in my entire life. And I have eaten a grub.

We thought Alan was going to have a party of some sort, because it was Lima's birthday, but after asking the National Police what was going on, we realized that Alan just wanted to have some SSR time for himself instead, and the 8 million people on the steps of the Cathedral were just sitting there for no reason.

We headed up our fave street (a pedestrian-only street in case you were wondering why we love it so much) again and noticed that there was a movie theatre playing English movies, and when we discovered that the new Antonio Banderas heist movie was playing (the one where he bears it all) we really couldn't resist, so we enjoyed the Peruvian cinema experience with really cheap popcorn and Spanish subtitles. It was great.

We hit up the market once more because I have secretly been coveting Cath's really cool purse, and so I got a matching one. Then we joined the rest of Lima on the cathedral steps with a box of vino tinto and a churro. We watched a princess girl pose for a photo shoot, and we think maybe she was Alan's daughter having a quinciñera of some sort, but there is no way of proving that.


The 19th, and that brings us to today! Caths last day! :( This morning, I got my bus ticket to Arequipa, only to realize that I won't be able to leave tonight as planned due to a bus strike. Hopefully I will be able to leave tomorrow. We enjoyed one last cup of flan, and went to 5 different museums including the Inquisition Museum, the Popular Art museum, the Post Office Museum, the Cathedral de San Francisco Museum, and we even accidently went into the Modern Art Museum (ugh) after looking at the "Then Me- Now Me" display of Lima's city plans.

Lastly, we ate some strange empanada things called tequenos, that we dipped in guacamole and some "pesto" that was really egg noodles dipped in spinach. I got another night at the hostel, and then we secured Cath a female taxi driver to get her to the airport. She should be on her way back to Uncle Matt's by now. I hung out on the cathedral steps for a bit and then decided that it was time to catch up on my blog, and so here I sit. I miss Cath already, as we had such a swimmingly great time together, and I am really, really going to miss her in about 5 minutes when I head to the room for some SSR.


Tomorrow afternoon, if everything goes as planned, I will take the 16 hour trek to Arequipa. I will then find a bus to Puno, a town on Lake Titicaca, where people live on floating reeds and whatnot, which should be pretty cool. Hopefully Ashley will meet me there, and then we will make our way to Bolivia where we will find the salt flats and lick the ground. Buenas noches.

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on.

I don't have much time here, so allow me to be brief:

Jan 3, 2009

The teleferico yesterday was awesome. We had perfectly blue skies, snow-capped volcanoes in every direction, and a bottle of wine. If Cath's nose was a volcano, it would be Cotopaxi. The air was thin up there, but was good practice because now we know we won't die while scaling Peruvian mountains. We went to a bookstore in afternoon and had a drink at the little cafe nearby, but we couldn't stay long because there was a German ex-pat there who was smoking a huge cigar and thought global warming was a myth. My 4th New Years resolution is to start a cultural revolution (you will have to wait for the screenplay adaption of this blog to hear the first 3), and after that interaction, I think I may be on to something.

Jan 4, 2009

Today we went to Papallacta, the hot springs just an hour from Pifo. It is right over the pass, and we had a lovely view along the way. The springs were quite soothing and we saw many birds. We listened to some wonderful songs along the way including everyone's 1994 favorite "Don't Turn Around." Who would have thought that 16 years later I would look at that song in a whole new light, but do the exact same dance moves that I did in the Meridian High School talent show. Ok, well Cath and I are off to Peru tomorrow to meet up with Ash and then head on over to Machu Picchu. I have much to do, so this blog will have to be quick and to the point with little humor. Sorry oh family of mine. Love you and miss you and wish us luck because Catherine starts losing feeling in her limbs after 3,000 meters and I have a sprained ankle. Ciao.

That really hurt Charlie and it's still hurting.

Jan 1, 2009
The first day of the year was a day of recovery. My ankle was more swollen than it rightly should have been due to the fact that I hobbled around town in my invincibility cloak the night before feeling as fine as a swine thanks to the excess intake of Argentinian wine and peach liquor. I suppose the one footed jump roping over the viuda coup lines didn't help either. It's just that I wanted to share my variation of double dutch on the flip. Note to self- even when trying to use one foot, jumping rope on sprained ankle is counterproductive to the healing process. Sometime during the mid-afternoon, I just so happened to walk by a mirror, and I noticed that my right eyelashes were pretty much singed all the way off. I guess that is the price one pays for getting too close to the año viejo flames in order to take a picture of Michael Jackson's burning face (did I mention he was my effigy mask of choice that I burned in representation of my farewell to 2009? Now he will have good luck in the afterlife.) We watched Where the Wild Things are that night and I was reminded of how much I love Bob and Terry. They really get to the heart of things, don't they? It also made me want to sleep in a real pile just like the old GH days. And have a dirt clod war.

Jan 2, 2009
Yesterday we decided to celebrate Cath's birthday because we will be on top of ancient Peruvian ruins when the real day comes, and not with the fam. So, we went to the beer store, got some supplies in Pifo, whipped up a happy cake, and decorated the porch with some balloons and serpientes. It was quite fun, we had some delicious vegan food for dinner (do not ask me how she managed to make vegan gravy here, I have no idea) and listened to the cult favorites on the computer playlist. Yes Ace of Base was on there. We had a small piñata made out of a clay pot that looked much like a baseball that had been ripped apart by the little girl at the movie store, and so instead of beating the thing from a hanging string, we decided to pitch it to the birthday girl in a very short game of everyones favorite American past time. She had two foul balls, but como siempre, the third time is a charm. She hit that sucker out of the park and her solitary Life Saver roll flew into the garden (it's hard to find vegan candy in Pifo). We ended up watching a Mr. Bean movie that we had picked up at the aforementioned movie store later that evening. I hate Mr. Bean. But it turns out I like him better in black and white and when he is not funny. Plus I love Mrs. McGonagal, and she played a murderess, so it turned out to be a rather ok movie. Live up your early 20s while you still can Cath. Long live Mexican style beer and hold out pictures. All in all it was a swimmingly good day.

P.S. It was good to talk to you Mama and Papi, we miss you so much and love you more than Argo loves the taste of a finely crafted shoe. (And Cath loves you even more.) She wrote that and it's simply not true. I do. Ok, ok, stop finger pointing Cath, we both love you the same amount. Our lives consist of not only a series of similes but also the perpetual struggle for favoritism. And for the record- she has started leaving bread out. (Try to differentiate between the two authors here. Come on, you can do it). Yeah she misuses periods. Touche.

Jan 3, 2009
We are all off to Quito now to go on the teleférico!! The very point of origin of the Margo Margo song back in 2006. Time to take in views of 8 different volcanoes and drink some te de coca. Cheerio! p.s. Good thing I don't have my contacts in yet. Cath just mooned me while singing "On Top of Spaghetti."